People need people

Why do we care so much about other people's opinions? We're each living our own unique life, so why should we let others dictate, or influence how our life plays out?

Are we scared of losing some people? As if they don't like something we do, we would just discard that something without second thoughts in order to keep that person? Are we scared of trying for the fear of rejection by someone we like or admire? Are we simply ok just always being on the outside looking in?

Sometimes people use people for their own gain, and times we are ok with it because we think "hey at least they are paying attention to me", so we just go along with it.

People shouldn't be able to make others feel inferior, yet we all have that ability if we choose to use it. Sometimes the people who seem the most befriended may in actuality feel like the most loneliest.

I honestly don't have any answers for these questions, except that were human, and it's our nature to want to be included, and feel wanted "people need people" "no man is an island" both true sayings. No one wants to be isolated.

But not trying to reach out can be just as bad, if it doesn't work (yes as much as I hate to admit it, it might) there are hundreds of other people who given the chance might enjoy what you have to offer. Plus you never know the fears you have may be nonexistent, and things go smoothly when you reach out.

Lastly on this subject just remember if you want to make friends with someone, then your gonna have to be a friend to someone.

Out of the blue

    It's funny how out of the blue, things can change. Whether it be how you feel about things, or different events that may come to be. Like for instance my mood, I've been better at not feeling down at times, but like now out of the blue, for no reason I just get this empty feeling, like something is missing. I hate this feeling it holds me back by increasing my insecurities, making me think there is no point in trying to be friends, or trying to do something, because there is no way it could ever work, like I'm not worth it. 

    And as for the events that come out of the blue? How is having to have a surgery December 10th? That out of the blue enough for ya? Am I nervous? Yeah kinda.. ok allot lol. However, more or less just being put to sleep, and having to be in the operating room. I know that I have people who care about me, and I'm so grateful for them (they probably have no idea just how grateful I am), but this feeling is trying to cloud that in my mind. 

    It will pass it always does, but on those out of the blue times it still isn't the greatest feeling to have.

Appearances

Appearances play a huge part of our lives whether we care to admit it or not. Fat, skinny, tall, short, pretty, ugly, handsome, gross, are all just a handful of the labels that we associate with appearances. Some people use their appearance to better themselves, while some use it to humble themselves.

One of the sad facts is that the more attractive someone is the more chances will be for them to get by on their looks. Some let it go to their head and they feel more privileged than others. Now that's not always the case some people on the inside look like complete opposites of their outer appearance, while others look exactly as they do outside.

We try to alter our appearance, some try exorcize to get in better shape, some go with cosmetology procedures to help with alterations.

Now you may think that none of that effects you that you don't care about your appearance, hate to break it to you, but that is an appearance whether you mean for it to be or not, the could care less look

Some people are happy with their appearance and some like me think their Is room for improvement, but like I tell myself let your actions represent the appearance you desire.

Way to Go Bruins Swim and Dive team!!

    Well today I had the privilege to go see some of my friends in the Bruins swim, and dive meet. I got there around 11:30am, it was scheduled to start around noon, but I always try to be early to things haha (The meet lasted till about 3:00pm), and since the team is a nice group of people they don't seem to mind having me sit and watch from the pool level, which I'm grateful for (even if I may get splashed some lol). I went to a few of their meets last year, and I'm glad they still seem to want me back this year. 

    On the team I specifically know Triston Smith (Who won 1st in the 1meeter dive today!), and Lane Bramblett (who won the 500meter freestyle today as well!). I also know just from going to the meets Ellison Beard, Silas Ledford, Jake Rogers, and Trent Fordham. Everyone I have had the pleasure to meet from the team have always been nothing but nice to me.

    Honestly in my opinion the meet went really well for the Bruins who were up against Cartersville, and Calhoun, seeing how both the boys, and girls teams won CONGRATS BRUINS!!!
    Its funny because I'm always asked if I enjoyed going (Which I did), for me sitting for long time isn't that big a deal lol, but getting to be surrounded by people that are nice, is different than being surrounded by strangers, so I honestly do enjoy going, and look forward to going to future meets.

Masks

    We all wear different masks for different reasons. Some masks we put on because its truly who we want to be, some we wear because we cant bear to face whats really underneath, or because its what someone else needs us to be. And some masks we wear because we hope to stay hidden. However, thats the problem with wearing masks, they can be ripped off at any moment.

Guardrails

    Well thursday night I was in a car accident, I had just taken a friend home, and was going around a curve when a deer came out. I swerved and missed the deer, but slammed into a guard rail. Thankfully I'm ok, my heart did go off, but I got it settled. The car as of now I'd unsafe to drive, luckily if family, and some great friends who are helping me out.

Ironically at church the new series is called "Guardrails". Going over not the guard rails on our roads, but the kind that we can put up to protect us from going astray. Usually Guardrails are there to keep you safe from a worse possibility.

Hopefully car will be fixed sometime throughout next few weeks.

Been sick

    Sorry for the delay in posts i know normally theres at least one every few days, and now that may stay true or i may post less frequently haven't decided, but anyway for the last week I have been awfully sick. Honestly thought I was never going to get better, but here I am able to stand up without getting dizzy and passing out lol. Downside however I've neglected physical therapy and can see the difference do have to get back on that.
    While I was sick I watched tv shows and read books lol. Sabrina the teenage witch, Gilmore girls, switched at birth, and my newest show Once upon a time. Books were the Iron legends, and Lies beneath. All of that didn't help time go faster, but it did make it partially more bearable. I'm not 100% better but I am getting there, and definitely glad to be getting over whatever I had.

Lesson Learned

    OK so without "cants" and "donts" it's honestly hard to tell where the fun is. That lesson I can honestly say I learned the hard way. You see I am house sitting for a friend this week, as well as watching their dog. So I'm on my own this week, (there is a pool). The week started with staying up late, eating junk food, and relaxing by the pool. No one around to say  "no you can't do this"and "don't do that".  At first it was fun, but that didn't last too long. Staying up too late, and swimming at night resulted with me being super tired during the morning, and eating nothing but junk food results with stomach aches, and not too much left over to eat during the week.

    So I can honestly say that the "Cant's" and "Dont's" that are tossed around are usually in our best interest. Now I'm not saying that all of them are good, but I definitely now see the value in them. I also plan on using a few of them on myself the rest of this week haha.

Lets Talk Love

    It's the thing we all want, it's the thing we all are searching for whether we want to admit it or not, but what exactly is Love? Some say its Sex, and thats it. That there is no relationship as long as your having sex your loved. I honestly don't see it that way, I mean honestly come on for love there has to be a relationship, and attraction to the other person. I also don't think that Sex defines love at all really. (I'm honestly a strong believer that sex is for after marriage).

    Some say that its just two really good friends, "I married my best friend" I've heard before, and I think thats a good way to start to describe love, friends like each other already, they know each others faults, yet they are always together.

    Some think that love is a willingness, where you would do anything possible to save the other person even if it means putting yourself in harms way. I like this way of thinking, to me it just feels right. If you Love someone you want to protect them, and help them, so that seems to fit.

   What do I think love is? honestly I think it has nothing to do with sex, Love is finding someone you don't ever want to be away from. I definitely think that you have to be friends, or grow into being friends. Its where you put all your trust into another person.

Well thats just a small opinion on Love

Surprise surprise I'm doing just fine

    Ok so the last post was what one of my issues is, but you know what? I've had a breakthrough. No I am not going to sit here, I have done nothing that needs me to have to defend myself, and I have done nothing to deserve what has happened over the years. I am a good person, I care about others, and try to help people out when I can. I may not be the smartest, but I am smart enough, and I may not be the most athletic, but I am working on that. For so long I've been quietly sulking, and emotional at times going up, and down all the time, but no more! I'm finally moving on, if you don't want me in your life thats just fine, but please don't drag me along, and use me until your ready to discard me. 

    I treat people with respect, the way that I want to be treated, and expect the same in return. I have never wronged anyone intentionally, and if I have I immediately apologized once it was brought to my attention. For so long I've been killing myself trying to figure out what I did wrong, but no more, I didn't do anything especially anything to deserve what I got.

    Some have used my weaknesses against me in order to hurt me, and in the past yes it hit the bullseye, but today, and for the future? Surprise surprise I'm doing just fine. I have decided that its not worth the emotional trouble. If this is how you treat people I'm honestly happy to have you gone. Sorry if that wasn't what you planned, but honestly I've finally broken free

Too Trusting

    I am definitely what you would call too trusting. Despite all the burns I've endured dealing with trust, and new friends I still find myself so willing to trust the good in everyone. Yet I also can tell the hesitation I have, like when I'm quiet in a crowded room. I'll answer direct questions, but I seldomly speak my own mind unless I've really gotten comfortable. I've seen the story play out so many times where it ended badly, yet that doesn't stop me from trying again, and again. Sadly it feels like the people I finally break through with and start getting to know, they end up disappearing from my life. 

    I know this post is probably sounding like a broken records from other post, but this is honestly one of weakest points, and its just something that I need to vent/talk about at times. Don't get me wrong I have great friends that I would never trade for anything, but I still have doubts that they too will one day disappear. Honestly sometimes I don't think I'm good enough, smart enough, normal enough, the list goes on and on. So when people act as if they want to be my friends I have to hold myself down, and not explode all over them. People seem to like me from the things I hear, I just cant seem to figure out why at times. 

Sometimes, just apologize

    We all have wronged someone at one point or another in our life whether it be a friend or an enemy, lets just admit to that. Often it managed to blow up in our faces causing real trouble for our lives. There are times when we unintentionally wronged someone, and there are times we intentionally wronged someone. After, no matter what we try, the other person just won't have anything to do with us, whether it was intentional or not.

    Sadly sometimes however, we just need to swallow our pride, and finally say "Im sorry". It may not be the easiest, but it's probably one of the only things that will ever end some wars. Sometimes thats all it will take, and things will go back to normal. However, there will be times when the bridges are burned, and the apology just won't be strong enough. Even if you weren't the one at fault, it shows your valor for stepping up, and just showing that you want to put it behind you and move on.

Green eyed monster

    There is so much in the world for us to want, its hard not to be greedy at times, but we need to be careful because jealousy can be a terrible monster, it can make nice normal people cruel, and short sighted. Believe me I know I get a case of the green eyed monster myself from time to time, but if its not taken control of, it can seriously get out of hand. Maybe your best friend ended up stealing your date, or perhaps it seems like everyone has the newest phone or gadget, while your stuck with the same crap you've always had. For me its hard watching people with better abilities than I have, there are things that I wish I could do, (or could have even gotten the chance to do, but didn't), then having to watch people who are able to do the ability that I can't, it's honestly really hard at times. Like I said though jealousy is not something you need to hold on to for too long, its one of those emotions that are like a seed, and once it blooms, lets just say its lethal and deadly.

So be wary when you see the flashes of green in your eyes when you pass your reflection, because no one wants to be a green eyed monster.

New year, New self

    So today is the beginning of my 2nd college year (first clad starts in less than 3 hours 8AM), and already I have so many goals!

    The first thing that I'm wanting to do, is actually comprehend the math that I'm supposed to learn lol. The second thing is I'm wanting to get more athletic, by being able to run around Dalton State track, and other places without having to stop and rest (someone has already shown doubts of me being able to do that so I wanna prove them wrong!) lol. The third thing is that I want to eat better, however I honestly don't eat that bad now (just need to cut out the soft drinks, and make time to eat more than once or twice a day, little meals VS few big meals).

    So yes with this new school year comes new goals. I'm cutting some strings, but also reconnecting old chains. Praying this year is a good one!

MomentuM night

    Well last night (it's like 2am as I'm posting this) I went to MomentuM at CrossPoint in dalton with my cousin Kathleen (who was playing the keyboard), and my friend Triston. The music was really good, and do was the service! After Kathleen and I raced home do I could grab some clothes, then we quickly got to the movies where it was us, Triston, Casey, and Chad. We all saw "the Bourne legacy" it was good kinda jumpy and, not a very consistent storyline, but it was fun going with a group. Plus Kathleen is soon to be gone to college so I'm glad I got to spend time with her :)

Also might be going back to MomentuM tonight with Triston, so will see lol.

Olympics fan, yes I am

    Well the Olympics have been going on for awhile (yes I know that), but I just thought I would say my interests in them. I actually honestly enjoy the Olympics. The events I enjoy watching are Swimming, Diving, and Gymnastics. In swimming yeah I'm rooting for Michael Phelps (I actually have his autograph in my room). Really bummed that this is his last year competing, but its awesome how he has 22 gold medals!! In Diving I'm Watching Nick McCrory since he is from Durham, North Carolina (where I went to get treatment for so many years, so always a fan of athletes from there. Also in the Diving, I'm watching, and rooting for Tom Daley, he's honestly a talented diver for his age. (have an autographed copy of his book lol). Gymnastics I'm not watching anyone in particular, but my cousin grace is a factor of why I watch them, as well as the Television show series "Make it or Break it". 

    I also purchased this Great Britain shirt to show my support (Yes I root for Great Britain, and USA, deal with it lol). Its a replica of the Team great Britain's jersey, and honestly I cant wait for it to arrive!

    Also I have been collecting the Topps Olympic 2012 hopefuls trading card series (have all but 8 cards our of 100!!) even have two authentic hand signed autographed cards. those were fun to collect and learn about all the athletes, hope to complete my set.

   

Who you are

    People say that "beauty is beneath the skin" however, in todays time honestly not many people see it that way. Most people are judged by their looks, and honestly thats just not right. The most beautiful of people can easily be just as shallow, and as for the people who don't look like many think they should, are usually the nicest of the people. Now don't get me wrong I know thats not always the case lol.

    We are always trying to better ourselves I think. Maybe trying to fix, or alter our appearance (Honestly I think everyone has something that they would like to change about themselves if they could, I know I do lol). Maybe trying to excel more at certain sports, or get in better shape. Sometimes we even try to alter ourselves for someone else. However, you can't let someone send you spinning backwards just because they don't like who you are. If you are happy with who you are, how far you've come, and all that you have accomplished, well thats all that really matters. I don't think that you should ever hold yourself to another persons standards. Its your life not theirs.

Achilles Heel

    We all have a our own greatest weakness, something that if used against us we will fail. Mine? I believe its my loyalty to my friends, I trust the people I care about probably far too much, and that will probably be my downfall at times (already has actually). Other peoples greatest weakness could be a strong fear they have, like fire, the dark, or spiders. Just things that get you to stop, and buckle. If you don't know what yours achillies heel is, you better find out. Its easier to prevent yourself from getting into situations versus finding yourself in one too little too late.

Back into a schedule

    Well looks like school starts back the 13th of august for me, and after yesterdays ordeal of trying to get all information and make payments I can honestly say I'm ready for this class to be over.

    Sadly my class is at 8am, a morning class, something I'm not too good with, so in order to do well in the class I'm trying not to stay up quite as late as I normally do. A little hard for me? Yes, yes it is, but I think I will be able to manage lol.

    

3rd Poetry post ~New Day~

"New Day"

(By Cameron Watkins)

Things are bad life seems rough

but I gotta try to stay looking tough

cause I know things are about to change

We’ve all done things we may regret

but please try not to worry or fret

the darkness may sleep in your soul

but now its time to take control 

You can’t let people keep you down

when you fall and hit the ground

it may seem nearly impossible

but you gotta always keep standing proud

You don’t have to face it on your own

because your never truly alone

open your heart and you will see

you will always have exactly what you need

The chains their gone, gone for good

the light floods in and brings its warmth

promise me none of this is gonna fade away

its finally time for a brand new day

A brand new day full of friends and warmth

keep them close and you will always feel this way

yes its finally time for a brand new day

50th post!!

Well this is indeed my 50th blog post, and as an added bonus this post is being posted from Boston, MA. I am staying ate the Boston Park Plaza Hotel and Towers (on the 12th floor!).
So far this week I've been on a teen/adult advisory board for Shire pharmaceutical (shh! Can't say too much on what we discussed), but I can say that it was fun, and I got to meet some great people, some who I had met at a previous meeting a few years ago, so it was good to see them again.
Also the National MPS Society family conference is going on as well. I got to see my nurse Heather, and Dr. Munzer (the doctor who was in charge when I was in the clinical trial.
There is a lot planned for the rest of the week, (don't head home until Monday) including a duckboat tour lol. However, it is cool getting to see all the other MPS patients all together in one place.
So honestly this is a pretty good time for the 50th post, definitely have a lot going on tie with it.

Can you hear me now?

    Well today went over really well!! got a pair of loaner hearing aids (really NICE hearing aids by the way), and we got my new ones ordered, they won't be as nice as the ones I'm using until mine are approved and arrive, but they should be a huge difference from my old ones.

    So now I can hear a pen drop lol, its kinda odd because now that I have two hearing aids again everything is a lot louder than I'm used to, but hey I can hear so I'm grateful! 

    And I got them just in time for my trip to Boston, I'm really happy about that, now I should be able to hear everyone when we are having discussions, or when I'm being asked a question, and not just nod my head when I think its the appropriate time lol.

Braces are off!!

Probably should have posted this Friday, but yes braces are off!!! As a bonus, I do not have any stain marks on my teeth.
I do have to wear a retainer all the time, and they will check them in 6 months (ok kinda a bummer), but the braces are off!!
Getting them off honestly hurt, felt like they were trying to pull my teeth out.
But yeah no more braces!

Getting Ready 4 Boston

    Alright so its late lol, and I can hardly wait till tuesday, thats when I'll be boarding the plane in the AM, and heading to Boston, MA.
    So what am I doing now you ask? Well, I'm currently going over everything I will need to take, I've gotten my book "Impulse" by Ellen Hopkins. I have got my iPhone so there is music, and games lol. Mostly I've just got to get all my clothes together, (and get some washed lol).

    On another completely different note, I just watched the film "Forget me not" it was a scary flick, but light scary honestly. I really liked it. Plus it was a good eye opener on being careful how you treat people.

And they said...

    They told me I'd be dead by age 13 if not sooner, They said that I would never survive the requirements of school, or even make it in school for that matter, They said I would lose my walking ability permanently, Some said I would never be physically active, Some said my life was an easy life, 

    Well you know what? I am 20 years old, and still kicking. Not only did I "survive" the requirements of school but I graduated High School with honors, and currently am enrolled in College. I use a wheelchair 0% of the time, the rest is with a walker or on my own. As for the physically active I've don rock walls, zip lines, mud trails, so yeah think I have the ability to be active. Easy? Ha I've worked my butt off to get where I am now, school? I went 3 days a week, and half days at that, and still managed to graduate with honors, the walking thing wasn't a snap your fingers, I had to practice for over a year and build my stamina up, and it was hard I currently go to physical therapy to help as well. Also you wanna go through all the medical stuff I've went through? I honestly wouldn't wish everything I've been through on my worst enemy. Everything that I've went through God has been right there to help me through the labyrinth.

    The main reason for this post, is I'm tired of having to prove myself, I feel that I do over, and over, but its never enough, someone always finds and points out a flaw. If you tell me that I can't do something based on the way you judge me, I usually try to prove you wrong, and most of the time succeed. Honestly it is hard to prove yourself, but I know that sometimes you honestly just have to. 

Remember most people have more going for them than meets the eye.

Cut the strings, or not?

    Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to just cut someone out of your life completely, never go to them for anything, or talk to them ever again. Part of me thinks that its possible just grab everything thats yours, and has no connection to that other person then just leave. However, then you notice if you cut this person out, does it mean you have to do the other person, or anyone that they are associated with? Also what if that person is someone you turn to in times of need, can you really get by without their help? Then you have to think why am I cutting this person out of my life? Is it due from anger, someone wronged you, and you just can't stand to be near them anymore due to lack of trust? Is it fear, they are nice most of the time, but when you slip up one time do you cringe while they are flared up? Or is it just because you wanna prove you can do things on your own?

    I see both half's to this dilemma, their are good effects as well as bad effects from this kind of decision. And I guess basically it comes down to, how much can you handle, and which scenario would be worse? Sometimes do we not cut the strings just so that we can keep getting by? Therefore using the other person? Also once you cut someone out, its nearly impossible to get/let them back in.

    So I guess I'll wait for the storm to pass, and see how much damage just has been done before I decide whether or not to cut the strings.

Horror films

Ok why I watch horror films I have no idea, I know they freak me out, but I still watch them lol. For example last night my friend, and I watch Scream4, safe to say I didn't go to sleep until the sun came up, now I'm watching Scream2, and possibly Scream3 lol. I enjoy them I really do, its just the after effect when the movies over, and your just in your room alone at night, and things get creepy.
Scary movies are fun, but not when your alone, and its dark haha.

Talking to the wind

    It's pretty late tonight, but no matter how hard I try I honestly just can't seem to fall asleep, so I thought a post would be good use of my time.

Honestly I feel like that sometimes I'm just talking to the wind, because it feels like not many people are there. When I reach out for someone, they just disappear like they were only just an illusion. After that happens so many times I think I'm in the right thinking that somethings not right or fair. A saying comes to mind. 

"We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person doesn't care at all" 

    Now don't get me wrong, I'll never quit reaching out, but the sting does get harder each time things fall through. I know people care, but honestly at times it feels like no one is there.

Sometimes I think I'm just talking to the wind, because it is the only thing that will listen to me. I mean just this year so many bridges have been burned, only I wasn't the one who lit the matches, just the one who was walking across, and stumbled onto the flames. Then theres the fact that the people that I normally trust the most seem to not need me either. Things are honestly just falling apart around me, and I'm at that point where I'm just watching the ruins crumble.

    I truly know things will get better, and God is standing here with me, but its just having to get through it to the end that is the difficult part.

So yeah tonight, I'm just talking to the wind

Disney Vinylmation

Disney Vinylmation is one of the newer things that disney is offering, they are similar to the disney trading pins because you can trade these items as well. Most are 3inches tall and the majority of them are in the shape of a mickey mouse figure, however they come in many designs, colors, and characters. Each one has the artist signature on its foot, proving it is an authentic Disney Vinylmation. Collecting is fun because you can get your favorite characters, or the ones that you like, you can get a complete series set, or just try to collect your favorites. Most are mystery box style, where you know you will get one out of twelve, but you don't know just which one. Others are open box, where you see exactly which Vinylmation you are getting. There are also 9inch ones that are usually limited edition, as well as 1.5inches. 

In my opinion they are neat little things to collect and trade. (however not sure I wanna trade any of the ones I have honestly lol, really like the start of my collection)

Second Poetry Post ~One Day~

-One Day-

one day maybe i will be able to take off this mask

one day maybe i will be able to forget the past

i feel like i’m going nowhere

while everyone seems to be going somewhere

why can i not get over you

no matter how hard i try

i just cant seem to break through

why do i have to feel this way

why can i not forget that day

the day you made me run away

how did i let this start to control me

when will i finally be set free

my life has slowly slipped away from me

now i am a face that no one sees

missing you terribly everyday

and late at night i wonder just exactly what do i miss

i know you play a role in all of this

but could there be something more

something that might give me bliss

come on now you cant deny it

all of this from your eyes was such a riot

Manipulative Manipulation

One thing I can't stand is being manipulated by someone, being a pawn that someone can discard when it's no longer useful to them. To manipulate someone is to be toying with people's emotions, and that's just low.
I know people who have been manipulated as well as been manipulated myself, and let me just say there aren't many things worse than that moment where you realize that you've been used. Today it just seems like there are so many lies, secrets, and manipulation in this world it's hard to know just who to trust, and as for me once you use me, you lost what ever trust I had in you.
I'm pretty sure it's like that for a lot of people.

Happy 4th of July!!!

Well it's fourth of july, and honestly today I don't have any plans haha. You see last Saturday night I went to a party with a new friend, and it was fourth of July themed, and we had some legal fireworks (it was honestly A LOT of fun).  Then this Saturday the 7th, is my grandmothers birthday, and were having our annual 4th of july part/birthday party for her. Its always a lot of fun, this year were hosting at my dads house which will be different lol.
So for the actual fourth, seems like it will be a day to rest, which I'm not gonna turn down.

Hope everyone no matter what your plans may be has an awesome Fourth of July!!!

July kicks up the heat

    Well idk about you but it's been a scorcher for the last few days on my end, never seems to drop below 100 degrees. Seems like July decided to bring a heat wave with it. Honestly I'm not big on the heat in more incline to the colder season.
    So what's up you wonder? Honestly a lot lol, been branching out, made some new friends, found out that braces will be coming off the 20th of this month!!!!
So things are definitely kicking up in more than just ways of the temperature you could say lol.
    Let's just wait and see what all July brings shall we? :)

Sometimes...

    Sometimes we just let ourselves get fooled, hoping things will turn out one way, while its totally obvious to everyone else that we're just fooling ourselves. Sometimes we think that if we just hold on long enough things will go back to normal, or get better. We honestly torment ourselves sometimes doing this, we build our hopes up sky high, and then the next instant BAM! Reality hits us, and we get knocked back down.
    Sometimes patience is the key, and things will get better, but sometimes we need to learn to throw in the towel no matter what the outcome may be, just to end the madness (still have yet to do that myself lol). It's not fair to yourself to be so happy one second, then depressed seconds later. Don't blame the other people involved, they usually don't know how it's effecting you, and they probably didn't mean for it to. Now yes there are some people who know EXACTLY what they are doing or did, and those people suck.
    Basically sometimes as hard as it may be, we just have to move on.

Overloaded summer

    So looks like all of next week I have a doctor appointment at least one every day of the week, Monday hearing test for new hearing aids, and maybe get some replacements, Tuesday orthodontist in Atlanta (braces may be coming off!), Wednesday physical therapy, and counseling, Thursday treatment, and Friday physical therapy again.
    This is gonna leave no time for TV lol, seriously thought I'd left majority of hospital life, but it seems to be pulling me back, however, all of these appointments in the long run will be improvements that I've worked so hard for with gods help.
-Things so far are a little better, still not great, and definitely still hard at times, but only time can fix things, and they may never get back to 100%-

Not the best of days

(sorry for not finishing the vacation series, honestly it was over the last day we just drove home.)
    Well right now I'm not in the best of moods, I honestly feel sick, and upset. So the blogs my come a little slower, or it may not effect them at all I don't know right now. You see something happened, and well the results just sorta blew up on my face, and left me hurt emotionally (won't go into details).
    Im hoping time will help, I'm hoping that nothing changes, and I'm hoping I didn't lose a friend honestly.
So yeah not the best of days

Vacation Day Six

So today sorta started out bad, seeing that I still can't hear. I called hearing aid doctor they can see me the 25th of June :( that's so long to go without hearing :(
We decided to hit downtown Disney again, along the way we stopped at Denny's and they made me a fried cheese melt (pic below) it was amazing!!!
At downtown we did some last minute shopping, lol we made it back to the condo at 1am.

Vacation Day Five

Today we went exploring in Seminole, we found a boardwalk/shopping district, and looked around there for awhile, after we decided to go to the beach. Right before however, my hearing aid quit working. So it's been harder to hear people, and it's getting annoying for me to even try to listen. We did get to see the beach at sunset though.

Vacation Day Four

Well after the day spent at magic kingdom, sadly nothing happened today we were both worn out we never even left the condo, we had pizza delivered in, but mostly we slept on and off all day lol.

Vacation Day Three

Ok so the third day we went to Disney World!!! It honestly started out bad haha. We decided to hit downtown Disney before we went to the park, however we realized none of the stores opened until after 10:30am (we got there at 9:15am). So after we finally got to go to some stores we made our way to busses so we wouldn't have to park. Well we waited 50min on a bus, then the bus went to typhoon lagoon instead of the contemporary resort, but it did take us there after thankfully. We went to aboard the monorail, only to find out it was broke, so we ended up using the walking path to the magic kingdom . Along the way I realized that I had left the money we needed to rent a EVC (scooter), back at the condo.

Well after all that things started to go good we had lunch at Ricks starlight cafe, then we rode big thunder mountain. We also got to see the parade up close, and the dreams come true show. We also rode splash mountain, Winnie the pooh, philphar magic, race cars, and the mad tea party. We saw tigger and pooh, plus briar rabbit, and he got me up and into a side show where we did the hokey pokey. I Also dis the attraction sorcerers of the Magic Kingdom, an interactive card game where you the player have to stop the villains from over taking the magic kingdom by following clues all over the park, (it was really fun, plus got to keep the cards). We had dinner at Pinocchio's village restaurant, and then ended the night watching wishes. (we stayed from noon till midnight.)

It was honestly a fun day but we were both exhausted after lol

Vacation Day Two

Ok so today was spent mostly at the beach. Got in the water a lot relaxed under the umbrella while reading my book (which I totally finished in less than two days!). We did use sunscreen, however after we got back to the condo we noticed that we were once again sunburned... I honestly don't know what to do even with sunscreen I burn fun fun lol.But today honestly all in all was just a resting relaxing day, seeing how tomorrow we are going to Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom all day!! (really excited!
(the pic is of my book at the beach lol)

Vacation Day One

Ok so vacation has officially begun, and after an over 10 hour trip, I finally made it to Seminole, FL!!!
Me and my friend Kala got there ahead of the rest of our group do we had to wait on them (seeing how they had room key). So we decided to go exploring, we found our way to the beach, couldn't get too wet, but we did enjoy seeing the water and we plan on going back tomorrow.
We're ending the night with "quality time" watching the movie Act of Valor.
(lol I'm reading my book "Immortal City")

A little kindness goes a long way

    You know the best moments in my opinion are the ones that just come out of the blue and surprise you. A lot of people don't really get that small acts of kindness can honestly have huge effects on people.
For example going to a small gathering, and while your sitting sorta alone someone comes up and says "I'm glad your here". Now for the person who said it, it may not have been that big a deal, but to the other person they saw it as someone truly wanted them there.
    So little things like that I really think can go a long way (I know from experience) plus you never know they may have been having a crappy day, and you may have just made it a little brighter.
    So just remember try to show some kindness to everyone, eventually you'll get some back.

Starting physical therapy

So yesterday I started physical therapy in dalton (one of first doctors I don't have to leave dalton for lol). it seemed to go ok, they had me show how I walked then felt how tight my mussels were (which are what's causing the problems they think). Then they gave me some exercises that I could do at home, mostly stretches. Plus they want to see me possibly three times a week. So will see how this goes lol. I go back Friday.

Cookie dough truffles !?!?

So last evening (Friday) I went over to my cousin Kathleen's house to visit since she just got out of surgery, we watched the food network and saw how to make cookie dough truffles they looked so good we both agreed!
Later some of her friends came over Sage, Rebekah, Sam, and Bea. Kathleen of course had to tell them about it, and after a dinner all of our group decided to make them for her. They were honestly soo good, messy but very good. We ended the night with "the phantom of the opera"
It was a good day and I'm glad to see she's doing so well, she's not 100% recovered, but she's better than she could be. Love her so much!

Goodbye nurse Lindsey

So yesterday May 31st was my nurse Lindsey's, (nurse from treatment) last day at my hospital. Luckily she was my nurse for the day so I got to have her on her last day (I know she was thrilled lol). I got her a necklace "best nurse award" (that's what photo is of). she loved it a lot and ran off to show it off lol.

She is witty, super nice, full of energy, and a great nurse who I'm going to miss so much. 

We have each other on Facebook so we won't lose contact, but I can honestly say treatment won't be the same without her.

Falling without a parachute

    Ok so sometimes I can be.. kinda shy. I also know that can come off as me looking shallow, and uncaring, but I'm not either of those things (at least I don't see myself that way). For me being apart of a group is hard at times because sometimes I just feel like I'm trying to push myself into somewhere where I'm not wanted, or where I don't really belong.  I guess I'm quiet so that I don't draw attention to myself, and end up hurt. I've had some really bad experiences with trust, (more than one easy) and they all were the same. I met someone we clicked and things went good for awhile, I opened up, and started to trust, then out of the blue their just gone. I fell and there was no parachute you could say. Each time is definitely a little harder than the last, and like anyone would I think "why should I put myself back out there to try again when it could happen all over?".
    The reason is that I have made good friends as well, (really good friends, at least I hope thats how they feel) so I do still see that benefits from testing the waters. Besides in life theres gonna be good times and bad times. So thats a part of the reason that I'm shy. Not that I think I'm better, not that I don't wanna be your friend, and not that I'm anti-social, but because I just don't want to end up falling again without a parachute to save me.

Sunburn!

Ok so my first trip of the summer didn't end well at all. However, It started out great, the first day we just relaxed and took the paddle boat out and stay'ed in the cove area. The second day however we took the paddle boat out again (earlier like 10am since my friend just had to go out early) this time we paddled out of the cove and went to two different islands, then all the way to the marina to swim (over 4miles) the whole trip took a little over 3 hours, and it was around 1pm when we decided to head back. Once we got back we noticed we were a little burnt, we decided it was because we forgot to put on sunscreen. Once we got back to the cabin we both noticed we had red tan lines, and were very burnt. Due to my friend not being able to stand it, we packed up and went home late the night instead of the next day.
Now I'm sore, ITCHY, hot, and burnt. I can't sleep because of the constant itchiness, parts of me are red as a lobster, and I'm constantly burning up. Plus did I mention that I'm ITCHING LIKE CRAZY?!?!?
So what have I learned and what is my advice to you? Always wear sunscreen, even if your the only person who wants it, you use it that way you won't have to go through this agony.

Congratulations on Graduation class of 2012!!

    Last night I had the privilege to get to go to the Christian Heritage High School 2012 graduation ceremony. I got to watch my cousin Kathleen Watkins. along with all the senior class (including a lot of people I consider to be good friends, but mostly amazing individuals) walk across the stage to get their diplomas. I know all of the CHS graduates are going to do amazing things with their lives.

    I also just want to congratulate all the other Dalton GA, high school graduates: Northwest, Dalton, Coahulla creek, Career Academy, and Southeast, Whichever school, all the 2012 graduates. 

   I can't believe its already been a year since my own graduation (Class of 2011), Time really just flew by, so all I can say is make the most of it. 

    So enjoy your time in the spotlight Class of 2012 you all have earned it congratulations!!

Ready to take some trips!

Well it looks like summer is finally here, and I am ready to travel a little, so far it looks like to kick things off this weekend I'm going to the lake for some relaxation, then in June I've got a trip to Florida with a day included at the Magic Kingdom, then in July looks like ill be heading to Boston for a few days.

if you don't already know, I love to travel and see sights. So it looks like the summer is shaping up to be a good one:)

Sanctuary

Everyone needs a place they can call their sanctuary, a place that the feel safe, a place where they can escape their troubles.
Usually it is a quiet place, where you can be alone, however, sometimes it's a more public place, Some will just like it to be quiet, while others might like music (it really just depends on your personality I think).
Im glad that I can say my church Rock Bridge Community Church is probably one of my sanctuaries, not just because it's a church (and your sanctuary doesn't have to be a church) I just feel like the environment there is very welcoming. I go there to read or to just sit and for a little while everything fades away. I feel that I belong there.
Some people will say they have other people who are their sanctuary, now I'm not saying that's wrong, but it would be hard for me to fully trust someone like that (other than god of course). I do believe that there are people in my life that help keep me anchored, they probably don't know they do though. Those kinda people I see as pillars that help keep you up, they aren't your sanctuary, but they are a vital part of your stability system.
Sanctuaries are nice places that shine with light that pierces through whatever darkness is shrouding around you.
And I'm glad that I have a couple.

Chain of memories

Ever feel like you've lost a memory, you think there is something your supposed to remember, but you just can't seem to find the memory? Well as we get older that feeling seems to happen more and more often. I think of memories as all being chained together, for when you remember one, it leads to another memory, and another memory, and another memory all chained together. Now the few that we have forgotten aren't lost, I just think the chains have come unhinged, and the memory is just asleep (sometimes it feels like the harder we try to remember those memories the more fuzzy they get.
Some memories we wish we could forget, some we are afraid we will forget, but one thing you can always be sure is that no matter what no one can take, or change your memories because they are yours, and you can't change history. So your memories of some friends and family members that you don't get to see anymore may start to fade, but deep inside you'll never forget anyone, sometimes you just have to wait for your memories to awaken.). 

International MPS Awareness Day!!

Well May 15th Tuesday is International MPS Awareness Day! Mucopolysaccharidoses is a rare genetic, storage disease. There are several forms of MPS, in my case it's known as hunter syndrome, it's rare effecting 1 in 150,000 males.

There currently is no cure and it is a terminal illness usually by age 13, however, Shire pharmaceuticals has created a drug (Thank You God!!) known as Elephrase, which has acted as a stabilizer, thus keeping patients healthy. The drug is given through an infusion type process.

The color purple represents MPS awareness, the ribbon in the photo is just 1 of 4000 that are being distributed throughout Dalton GA, as well as info sheets to help better understand MPS. So wear the color purple to show your awareness, or even a purple ribbon The high schools Northwest, Dalton, and Christian Heritage are all going to help with distributing the ribbons and info sheets. This was all thrown together a month ago and I just want to think my friends and family all who helped get all this done. It looks like its going to turn out better than I ever thought it would

So go out and raise Awareness for MPS!!!

Piece of a puzzle

One way or another we all want to know where we belong, we want to know the fact that we do belong. If you look around in almost any environment middle school, high school, college, even work places you'll find cliques, groups, and people who tend to stick together. Some bond over games, others like the same books or movies, some are just there to support one another. Now if you look harder past all of those people, usually in the background or less populated areas you'll find people by themselves, people who don't really belong to any of the groups, and always alone. Maybe you've been that person, or perhaps you've seen some of those people. If your part of a group you enjoy knowing the fact you have certain people in your life, that you know them on a personal level. We are all in my opinion pieces of a very large puzzle, one that will never be completed, for new pieces are added every day. Sure some groups make up a good portion of an image so you sorta have an idea of the picture, but off to the side like when your working a real puzzle there are a few single pieces that just haven't found there place yet. Those people whether they show it or not want to be connected to a bigger part of the puzzle, we all do honestly. Sometimes though we may think our piece won't "fit in" with that section, or maybe its already got enough pieces, so we don't even try. The there are the groups that have got a good amount of pieces, try getting to know other pieces (people) because the more people you have the pieces there are that have to be singled out. Plus if your looking at it like a puzzle, really don't you want as many pieces as you can get?

We really are all just a piece of a bigger puzzle, United we stand, alone we fall.

Plus you never know that person you see standing alone, may be just the piece your group needed, and vice versa y'all might be just what he, or she needed. (Think about it)

Quick post from treatment

Hey blogging from treatment today at T.C Thompson children's hospital. We had a late start today due to running late this morning, but currently I'm hooked up and the med is flowing through. Basically I have five more hours ahead of me that will be filled with TV or napping lol. There aren't too many people here today (odd honestly). Plus I just remembered that I have been getting this drug for over eleven years now, that's kinda crazy lol.

iJoin a gym

So yesterday afternoon I joined The Rush fitness center. I just went in to ask some questions about membership and fees. Well they gave me tour, and told me all about what they offer: free weights, cycling, treadmills, plus so many other machines. It was funny, I was looking at one machine completely baffled I was all like "do you pull it, lift it, push it, or kick it...?" then while I was staring at the machine someone got in it and I was like "ooh you use your arms" lol. They also have sauna, jet jacuzzi, showers, and lockers. Plus they are open 24hours a day (can't beat that).
So I hope this helps me get in better shape, hope to see some results before I go on vacation next month (optimistic I know lol) really hope I don't kill myself Haha!
But anyway, I signed up for a monthly membership. That way no cancelation fee, and it's only about forty dollars a month. Maybe this will help I sure hope do.
So let's just see how this works out. You never know lol

Breakdowns

    The truth is we all breakdown every once in awhile. Sometimes things just get too hard to bare, but that doesn't make us weak. We're human, so yeah we have emotions. You can't go around being happy all the time, that's not how life works. Sometime breaking down and crying will actually help, since your releasing all those bottled up emotions. I know I personally keep things bottled up until I reach my boiling point, and then I'll explode on whosever near me lol. You don't have to go public with your breakdowns, I know probably everyone has just locked themselves in their rooms and cried at least once, that's ok too. However, sometimes it does help having a friend with you during a break down for support, or they can try to help you get over it. If your having a breakdown believe me I know this sounds cliché but, tomorrow will be a new day, and time really does help.
    Don't ever let anyone cut you down because you had a breakdown because you know they've had one at one point, and theres nothing wrong with having them.

A look through my eyes

Don't run, don't hide,

 it will be alright, 

you'll see, trust me, ill be there.

    Everyone has a unique point of view, different life events show people different ways of seeing things. This post however is me trying to tell how things are seen when looked through my eyes. I wake up long after the sun has, after probably going to bed long after the moon did. I have seen cruelty in the world, some people are just oblivious of what they say or do, others however, know exactly what they are doing. I see people all as individuals, they all have their own story, one we may never be apart of, but theirs is just as important as our own. I like to see the good in people, but sometimes I see only the bad. Thats one of my own flaws, I'll admit trust is an issue for me, one I have been working on, and can say has gotten a lot better, but its still there. Sometimes I'm just scared to trust, because I don't want to end up losing anyone that I start to connect with. 

    With music I'm a strong believer that it can change your mood, and you'll never find me without my iPhone, or in the car blasting the speakers with whichever song I am currently in addicted to. For me my best escape are books. I love reading, for me books are sorta like friends. You learn about the characters, you grow to like some, dislike others, and experience the events that are scattered throughout the pages. It's just like real life I think. Now the easiest way that I think for me to express myself, is writing. When speaking unless I really know and trust you, I'll usually remain pretty silent. However, with writing for some reason its just easy for me to write the things that I want to say out loud. I think that I'm still, and always will be young at heart. Disney is one of the things that has a lot of my interest. The old disney movies, Disney world, and basically any of the old school disney I just honestly like, does that make me immature? I don't think so. 

    As for friends, I love all the ones that I have. I see it that friends are one of the most important things you can have in this world. Once someone is my friend, I will always stand by them, and be there for them whenever they need me. I see it that losing a friend is one of the worst things that can happen to you, (trust me it really is). Im glad to say that I have some of the best. Plus with God the best friend of all, you can't really go to wrong. Due to my trust issues some problems have occurred, and I'll be honest I broke down a couple of times because some people knew it would hurt me, and they used it against me. However, some I don't think they even know they did anything, so I don't really hold those few responsible. I just keep trying to look up, who knows maybe things will change for the better in some of those situations that are still occurring.

    As for having MPS as an illness I don't think of it as a bad thing. I honestly think it was a good thing, yes it took away a lot of stuff that I wanted to do, (and thats a lot of stuff) but it also gave me back so much. Yes there were times when it was unbearable, but thankfully I got through it. It's one of the reasons that I have a unique view. I have never once blamed god for getting MPS, it showed me how to never take things for granted, and that he is always in control no matter how bad the situation may get. I honestly see that without the bad times or events in our lives, we just wouldn't appreciate the good ones.

Well there you go, a little of what a look through my eyes is like.

Trust is a must

Where would we be without trust? Honestly, we wouldn't be very far because trust is connected to so much of our lives. Friendships, and love both use trust as glue, without trust nothing would be able to hold itself together. I know personally that trust in friendships is important because its trust that helps you slowly take down walls that you put up to protect yourself, so that you can finally start letting people in.

Its also why when you breaks a friends trust, you damaged the friendship as well, because they go hand in hand. The same goes for love, your not going to be with someone, and tell them all your secrets, and care for them if you don't trust them. Right? Sometimes trust can be hard, sometimes it can come natural, and sometimes it will end badly, but honestly without trust we would be nowhere, at least nowhere good anyway. For life to work trust honestly is a must.

First poetry post! ~All I~

All I
You can bruise me you can use me

But I promise you, I will never turn away

I believe that somewhere deep inside of you

Sleeps the friend that I know will always come through 

So here I'll wait only just a call away

And if you should ever need me 

I'll come running anytime night or day

And maybe you will finally see

That all I want

Is for you to be in my life

That all I need

Is just to know that you  care for me

Do you see me standing here trying to reach out

Do you hear me straining not to shout

Please don't disappear and leave me full of doubt  

The reason that I'm voicing my fears

Are due to wounds from previous years

I was shattered in darkness

Being chocked with fear

Truly felt that no one was near

No one saw my shining tears

I was bruised and I was broken

I was used and I was choking

Didn't think I'd ever trust again 

I am holding on with all my might

putting all my trust into this not wanting to lose this fight

I am ready for this friendship to take flight

by Cameron Watkins

Outside looking in

    I'll be honest at times I feel like I'm on the outside looking in, and it's probably due to my lack of ability to trust others. If you've read previous posts you'll know that I've been burned before, so I do have my reasons. Being with a group of people, but still feeling like no one's there is an awful feeling, one that I wouldn't wish on anyone. With some people still finding yourself asking yourself the question "are we friends?" not because theres any problems, but just because you feel like there is wall up between you, and them. Now when you start putting walls up yourself to protect yourself from getting hurt, it may seem like it helps, but honestly it just makes pushing people away more natural (something that should never be natural).  Now for those of you who don't have this little problem, or at least not as huge a degree as others, you should try to include people in your activities. Don't however just wear a mask of kindness when it suits you, be there and make them feel welcome (you can never have too many friends).

    One thing everyone should know is People need People, its a fact of life, it will never change. You never know the person you said hi to, well that might have just been the highlight of their day.

    Don't make people feel like their on the outside looking in, try to imagine whats thats like, and if you've been there why would you want to put someone else there?

A pictures worth a thousand words

    People say a picture is worth a thousand words, and you know I have to agree with that particular saying. Another thing that I enjoy is photography. I feel like with photography, yes you capture moments, but you capture them from your own personal view. This particular photo was taken on an amazing trip that I took this year in Snowshoe, WV with Rock Bridge Student Ministry. This one picture helps me remember everything about that trip, and thats what I like about photography. You don't only capture moments, you preserve memories. With one photo you can tell a whole story. So its really true a picture is worth a thousand words.

Birthday blues part two

   Ok so blues isn't the best way to describe how my birthday went/is going lol, but I figured it would be best to keep same title and just add part two since they are continued.
Well it went over a lot different than I thought it would. Tuesday night my dad and step-mom surprised me late that night with a small party and gift since I wouldn't be with them on my actual birthday. On my birthday my friend Kala took me to lunch, and then that night my friends Emily, and Mikayla tried to creep on me ( heard none of it lol) then we went to eat late that night.
That morning however, my phone had so many texts and calls.. Sadly right after I replied to the first one I lost my phone.. While I was surprised at a couple of people I didn't hear anything at all from, I was even more surprised by someone I did hear from (talk about out of the blue!)
    The next day at treatment my nurses and Miss Ashley celebrated my birthday at the hospital :) they decorated my infusion room with balloons, and a banner. Plus they all sang and gave me a card which they all had signed.
     Tonight I'm going out with my grandma, one of my most loved cousins Gracie, and my dad, and step-mom. (where?.. Not sure was supposed to have decided last night lol) Then tomorrow night(saturday) I'm going out with mother, and a lot of my family at olive garden in Chattanooga.
So lol my birthday is still going on (birth-week as I keep calling it) but it also has had so much already, lots of fun, but also a little drama
-just the way I like it haha!-

Birthday Blues

    Well April 18th is my birthday, my 20th to be precise, and its only just three days away. Now most people would be excited for that day, I however can't seem to get into the birthday spirit. The reason being I've had a lot of stuff happening at the same time all piling up on me. For starters I've been trying to organize an awareness day (MPS day), and I've finally gotten most of that worked out (just lots of phone calls and money). Then theres the fact that I received hate mail a few weeks ago, and the contents inside were truly just mean, and hurtful. Also I managed to lose all eligibility for finical aid, so thats a stress hanging like a black cloud over my head. Lastly it looks like once again someone who I considered a really good friend didn't feel the same, for its been over a month and I haven't seen or heard from the said person (No name dropping), but that last one I think has effected me the most, I've experienced this before a couple of times, and honestly it just gets worse each time.
    So now maybe you can see why I'm not quite in the birthday spirit,  but who knows maybe in the next three days something will change.
You never know.

As people we are all equal

My thoughts?  We all need each other, one way or another. That’s how life works. There’s give and there’s take. I think a person who willingly gives up his, or her life for another is courageous, but sacrificing someone else’s life is a whole different story. I couldn’t save my life at the cost of losing another. I believe you should try everything possible to prevent the loss of ANY life. I’m sure if people put their strength together, a sacrifice wouldn’t be necessary.

Shyness isn't always safe

    How many people are shy? I'd say most everyone has a shy side to them given the right circumstances. However, I also know that there are different levels of shyness from being shy in a room of people you've never met, all the way to being so shy that even people you do know, who barely know you at all due to you shutting everyone out of you, not ever letting anyone in. What do I think shyness is? I think its a fear, a fear of rejection, humiliation, and a lack of self confidence.  Shyness is normal in some areas, but if you don't attain a grip on it, it can get seriously out of control, and start controlling you. Once you start shutting people out be aware that when you finally need someone you may come to find that there is no one left. So try to be more outgoing if your shy, get a group of close friends that you trust, and can rely on (let them know they can rely on you as well). If you have a handle one your shyness I tip my hat off to you, and hope you know what you have.

So just remember while playing it shy, and quiet may seem safe at times, that honestly isn't always the case.

Why I want to be a writer

    Ok so you should know from my first post that I want to be a young adults author, however I didn't really go into detail as to why thats what I want to do. You see when I go into the bookstore these days it feels like almost every book is targeted for girls (no offense girls). As a guy there isn't really anything that you would want to be caught dead reading. Normally it seems like there are only books involving vampires, boarding schools, or love triangles (you know its true).  This is where part of my aspiration for writing comes in, when I write I ask myself the question "what would I want to read?" Then I try to think of what others would want trying to get a balance so that its not leaning too far in one direction, that way say your a guy reading the same book as a girl, but you don't care because it's not targeting a specific gender. Another aspect of my wanting to be an author corresponds a little with the previous one. When your the author, you create the story, the characters, everything. If you don't like something, well its your book, and you can change it. I want to write stores that haven't been to played out before, something fresh, and new. When I'm writing I can express myself so much easier, so I'm sure I slip a lot of myself into my work, which in my opinion is what makes some of the best authors so great. They were able to put parts of themselves into their stories, which is what I hope to be able to do.
So now you know some of the reasons that why being a writer is something I hope to one day be.

Needles, and doctors, and hospitals oh my!

Well I decided to go ahead, and get the medical post out of the way. This will probably be long.   

Hunter syndrome, or mucopolysaccharidosis II (MPS II), is a serious genetic disorder that primarily affects males. It is caused by the body's inability to break down certain elements in the body called mucopolysaccharides (mew-ko-pol-ee-sak-ah- rides), also known as glycosaminoglycans (gli-ko-sah-mee-no-gli-cans) or GAG. The buildup of GAG is due to a deficiency or absence of the enzyme iduronate-2-sulfatase (I2S). This buildup interferes with the way certain cells and organs in the body function and leads to a number of serious symptoms.

In the past, the management of Hunter syndrome was limited to palliative care. ELAPRASE® (idursulfase) is an enzyme replacement therapy designed to treat the underlying cause of the disease.

    I was diagnosed with that when I was around 3-4 years old. However Hunter syndrome is not the only thing that I had, or have going on, I had an Aortic and Mitral valve leak, as well as an enlarged heart on the right side (still have some heart issues), enlarged liver and spleen, carpal tunnel in my hands which made them curled, hearing loss in both ears, Low platelet counts, sleep apnea, multiple hernias, severe ear infections, and a decrease in my walking ability.

    For a while I had to get platelet infusions, those were a nightmare, it would start with us getting to the hospital, then someone would prick my finger for blood, and we would wait for the results. If the count was over 20,000 we were free to go home. However, if the count was below 20,000 (which it normally was) we had to stay and get the platelet infusion through an I.V(a needle).  About two hours in I would start getting cold, then I would be shivering, shaking in my seat. Then massive head aches that felt as if bricks were falling on my head would come. Finally the nurse would give me something, and I would be asleep for the rest of the day.

    When I was about 9 we got a call saying that I had been chosen as one out of twelve kids in the world to be apart of a clinical trial for a new drug that was supposed to help with Hunter syndrome (Thanks to God I was one of the lucky few that got chosen!). Every other week we flew to North Carolina, Chapel Hill, so that we could be in the double blind placebo. After a couple of months we started seeing results, my liver, and spleen started going back to normal size, my heart stabilized (we had been talked to about heart transplants prior to beginning the trial). During some of hose trips instead of only staying two days just for the treatment we would stay three days, and it would include sleep studies, blood work, pulmonary function tests, five hour MRI, physical therapy, EKG's hearing tests. About 4-5 years later we were able to go to chattanooga, TN, at T.C Thompson children's hospital a satellite hospital where we moved treatment from every other week to every week. This resulted badly with some leg pains after treatment. We moved it back to every other week, and things returned to normal, however a couple years after, we switched back to every week, and this time no problems arose. I still currently go to treatment every week on Thursday. (The drug eventually went on the market for sale and was officially named Elephrase, at a price around 10k a dose)

    The treatment process is that I get up early every thursday morning 7am, get ready, and then head to the hospital. There I sign in, the nurse calls me back, takes my vitals, and lets me go to my room. Once I'm there they call the pharmacist, and he mixes my medicine (they won't mix until they get word that I am there). then they will stick me in my chest where my PORT is, and then the medication process takes four to six hours. Usually I just watch TV or sleep, theres not too much really to do. Then when its all over I get to go home, the next day I might be drained, it doesn't happen every time, but there are times that I do get drained of energy, but it only lasts a few days.

    Surgeries, I've had a lot of those, multiple hernia surgeries, ear surgeries (for tubes), two hand surgeries for the carpal tunnel, teeth having to be pulled out, one for getting a "PORT" (a small device in my chest, where the needle goes so that my veins don't bust, which was happening a lot more often, which is why I got the PORT). Now surgeries, are dangerous for me due to my difficult airway intubation, and it has gotten more difficult for them to intubate me with the last previous surgeries (harder for them to wake me up). 

    So as you can see, I've grown up in multiple hospitals, seen multiple doctors, and had more needles than you can count. So now you you have a little but more in depth look at the hospital side of my life, and we have the main medical post out of the way.