progress

    Well Easter lunch went well, lots of food, and sweets for everyone lol. (No didn't fall, or trip for those of you wanting to know). However, I had people after people coming up to me to let me know how happy they were seeing me walking, and how well I was doing. I still see myself as a long way to go before i'm satisfied, but if i look back over the years I honestly have come so far, and i'm so grateful i've made it this far. It was nice hearing people saying positive things, and how proud they were, it made me feel like, hey all i'm working on is paying off, I am making progress.

    Then before we left I was taking some of the family pictures when my dad asked me to take some of his friends for them. (they too showed enthusiasm about my progress), and really appreciated me taking a photo of their whole group. After the lunch lol I went home and slept all afternoon. Seem to be tired a lot, but I don't think its anything serious. All in all it was a really good Easter.

Easter 2013

    Well it's Easter Sunday, for some people it's a day of church, followed by a family dinner of some sort. In my case I will be helping with the children's early service, then seeing how I somehow managed to miss all of the previous services I will get to see the late Sunday service thankfully. After, a lunch at the country club is in store at 1:30pm. It's been a few years since we've had our Easter dinner there however, I'll also not be in a wheelchair this time. Which means there is a good chance i'll trip getting my food (and everyone should have their camera ready). Well I guess I should start getting ready.

    Happy Easter!

Something always better down the road

    Ok so mostly everyone already knows the whole "something new will always be around the corner" lesson, I say mostly everyone because lets face it, there are still plenty of people who need that lesson kicked into them. Plus it's true no matter what you have a newer version or something better is just down the road. 

    But what about people? How do you know if the friends you have or even the one you say you love is the right one? Does the something better down the road rule still apply? I mean personally I don't think you can trade people. Maybe thats why relationships don't last that much anymore, because we are all consumed with the belief of something better down the road, that we forget to look at exactly what we already have, because were blinded to the possibility of new, and better. 

    My thoughts, once you've made a relationship with someone friend wise or dating wise, you should see it through. Because remember, something about them stuck out to you in the first place. Me I couldn't willingly trade away the people in my life for new people. (personally because some of the ones I have in my circle of friends are truly diamonds in the rust, or so to say).

    So all in all I think we need to leave this particular rule to simply possessions, and leave people out of the equation, well with the exception to the lesson behind the rule, be thankful for what you do have. that part can be for both possessions and people.

How does having MPS affect me?

    This question I'm asked a lot, and honestly I have to think about it. Because I mean sure if you take a quick glance you'd see allot of not so great things. Like all the trips to the hospitals growing up, all the needles and tests that I had to go through. Then there was how I was treated at times, and even now always having to prove that I can handle things.

    Do I have any regrets from having MPS? That's a fair question that pops into my head as I continue within this post. I'd say yes however, very few. I just wish that I could have been more athletic, because for some reason I have those aspirations. However, I'm still working hard so who knows how far I'll get I've come farther then anyone said I would already.

    There are also quite a few good things from having MPS, one would be getting to attend the MPS conferences, and getting the chance to meet some really incredible people, as well as getting the chance to travel across the states.

    How did it affect my schooling? Well it definitely was a struggle at times, but it sorta fuelled me to prove that I could do it, it gave me a reason to try, while others thought I would use it as an excuse I used it as a reason to work as hard as I could while juggling doctors, and hospital appointments.

    How does it affect my socialisation? Well sometimes it sorta freaked people out, but it taught me that true friends didn't care about that kind of stuff. It was hard sometimes always having to explain why I was out two days a week growing up lol. For the most part though it wasn't too awful, I'm kinda quiet and shy until I get to know you, so it just made it a little harder for people to approach me.

    What about walking? Well during the clinical trial I started losing my ability to walk I was either in a mobile wheelchair or an electric wheelchair. Then one day a doctor said that it would become permanent. That taught me as well did several things from having MPS just because someone says something doesn't always mean they are right. So I forced myself into a walker, and now two years later I'm walking solo, not perfectly but better. It also taught me it pays to push yourself sometimes.

    Would I wish I never had MPS? As crazy as it sounds, I don't think I would, I know it's brought pain and trials, but it's through all that how I became the person I am, I've learned not to take people for granted, that things aren't always easy, and life ain't always fair. If I didn't have MPS I don't know who I would be, I'd be someone else. I think going through everything MPS has brought has made me a better person, as well as its a part of me. So I'd have to say no I wouldn't make that wish.

Well hopefully that answers the question how does having MPS affect me.

Wishes can't all come true

    One thing I hate is how we can wish and wish for things that we know probably won't ever come true. Why then do we have the aspirations, the desires for the results from those dreams and wishes when we know we won't ever achieve them? Like why is our mind so focused on trying for nearly impossible things?

    For example a few of my wishes is to be a runner, where I can run so fast, and have the crowd cheer my name, I have come farther then anyone thought I would, I came from a wheelchair to a walker, now I can run some but after years of trying and working hard I've come basically to the starting point for where people begin from for that dream. Another is I'd love to be a fast swimmer where I wouldn't be scared to dive in the water, where I'd be able to just know what to do, and do it good. I've tried so hard on this one but I can't seem to learn how to swim. No matter what I try I just can't get the hang of it I can tell I got closer to grasping it thanks to all the walking I've been doing straightening out my posture, but I'm still so far from that one too, and I honestly love being in water.      The last physical activity I wish I could do is serious dance, I'd love to be able to express how I feel through movements and emotion. But I can barely stand up for less than a few minutes, I have no grace, and no balance, so that's out too.

The last wish is to change something of my appearance which I think we all have that wish somewhere in our minds, I wish at times I could change my face I still look 16 and I'm nearly 21, my body I'm accepting as good because of all I did for the walking/running, but nothing affects my face so when I see the mirror I see a fat face that I wish would just go away. I have no clue how to make it more normal looking but I hate it's one of my wishes but it is.

    So why is it that we seem to always dream and wish for the impossible, sure if your reach it they are more special, but since I don't seem to be making any more progress why aren't my dreams changing to something more realistic why am I still holding on to all these wishes?

    I'll continue to wish as hard as I can and maybe something will happen, but do you know what it's like to be surrounded by people who are achieving what you wish you could, and you sit there like why can't I do that. I don't even want to be the best just good enough to compete, and say I can try fairly. I'm tired of everything being so much of a struggle, I fight to get what you want is ok, but when everything turns against you every day of the week it wears you down.

Just stuff that's been on my mind lately.

More than one side to a story

    Sometimes the way we see things, aren't exactly always the way they seem. Remember you don't know the whole story, so what your thinking may not entirely true. Sure maybe someone did you wrong, or upset you, but you don't know the reason why they did. If you find that out you might find out it was a misunderstanding, or that they had no realization to what they had done to you. What I'm trying to say is trust me, try to find out the whole story, because one day, or maybe that day has already came, where it's you who needs everyone to know there is more to what happened, and things just got out of control, out of your hands. It's not always easy explaining that stuff... Especially if no one wants to hear your side of what happened.

Chilly Easter party

    You know having an Easter themed party when you can see it snowing outside is honestly one of the more out there ideas, it's cool (you have to admit) definitely makes it more memorable lol. Well that's what happened during our ABS (area bible study) where we made resurrection rolls (which are AMAZING). It's less than a week to Easter and we in Georgia are having snow, I find that funny.

Good day!

    So today went really well. I helped out with the children's ministry 4th-5th grade boys this morning. It's definitely a little different from the student ministry. I helped out with both services this morning, and basically I just try to assist the main leader.

    I took about a four hour nap, so I guess you can say I was tired lol. At the Link, part of the student ministry we had a review over how DNOW went (a weekend event). It was a really good night.

    After the link was over it seemed like everyone went to Fuji (japanese steakhouse, and sushi) there was so many people, and we all just hung out, talked, and had a good time.

    My friend Triston was one of the people who went, and before he left I managed to give him his gift I brought back from Disney world (a winter goofy hat). He seemed to really like it, and was excited about it (at least I hope he liked it lol, he hugged me anyways). I'm honestly really grateful to have him as someone I consider a best friend.

This was honestly just a good day!

Too much food

    Ok so yeah, last night my friend Kala, and I had dinner, we ate so much it's not even funny. Now today all I can think about is all the crap we ate. I want to diet, but everyone says I don't need to. Well apparently they don't see what I see. I don't want to get over weight, I'd like to be a good 10lbs lighter, but every time I try to cut back feels like I end up eating more than I would have in the first place. It sucks that at times I don't like what I see, but having no clue how to zap it away. I try to exercise, but not always easy because of my health I have to be careful what I do, and I'm limited to what I even can do.

    Not much I really can do but try to cut back on what I eat and drink, but not sure what else. Plus it doesn't help when it feels like everyone around you has more confidence, and looks better than you.

Break down the walls

    I'm honestly so tired with this society, no matter how old you are there are always cliques. And there are always people who just seem to enjoy excluding people. This society has us all brainwashed that we have to act, even dress a certain way to fit in with our group of friends, and that's wrong. Why would everyone want to be the same? Why should someone who is different feel hurt and upset over things they have no control over? I mean some people figure they can't even participate with others because these wall are so thick.

    Why can't we all just drop these masks we're wearing and speak our own voices? Show the world who you are, everyone is unique and important. Get crazy dance like no one is watching, say out loud that fear your holding in, approach someone you have been to ashamed to approach before. Because you will never be better than when your being true to yourself. Don't label yourself, or anyone else one thing, and don't let society label you one thing. Break down the walls that society has made us feel are requirements.

    I'm not saying it will be easy, but honestly even though its hard at times I would rather be myself, not someone else.

Vacation 2013 (bumpy start)

Well it looks like its vacation time once again, this year I am once again going to Seminole FL, as well as go down to Orlando a couple days to visit the Magic Kingdom, and downtown Disney. My friend Tina is accompanying me, (we are driving down today, actually leaving within the next hour).
Before we have even begun yesterday was probably one of the most unluckiest days to have before a road trip. I was almost in an accident, but dodged the bullet, had to buy a new car batterie, but I did manage to get car washed. Sadly the batterie and other unplanned things took a critical hit to my vacation budget, so I've had to rearrange that :( money problems honestly suck, because honestly no one wants to be on vacation and worry about money right?
Anyway now that I have it straightened out (the best I can anyways) I'm going to try and enjoy the trip. Beach, pool, fun, and even some Disney magic. I'll just have to watch my spending and not go over.
Honestly I'm just ready for this trip to begin. Who knows what will happen...

Call my name

    Have you ever cared for someone so much, that you would be willing to do anything for them, including risking your own life if it meant theirs would come out unharmed? You never want to see them hurt, and would probably go to the end of the earth and back, if they asked you to.

    If you have a friend, or someone like that in your life that is a good thing, it shows you have something you value more than yourself. I personally know I have a friend like that I consider them close as family, and always try to look out for them. However, one thing we all need to learn though, is that we can't always carry other people's burdens, they have to do it themselves because if they fail, those are the experiences that will tell how they grow. For me that's hard, I don't know why but I put almost everyone ahead of myself. I always try to lend a hand to the people I care about. I would do stuff for others that I might not do for myself. I also have to learn that everything is not my fault, that bad things happen, and you have to accept that. I'm still quiet which I guess is why it's easy for me to fade into background and pushing other people in the spotlight.

    Once your my friend whether your one of my friends that I've been blogging about in this post or your another, I will always try to help you, just call my name, and ill be there.

If you wonder how you can help me, just being yourself helps me so much, you don't even know.

    One of my biggest fears and weaknesses is being abandoned, I don't ever want to lose the friends I have, but I've learned sometimes its inevitable in some cases, but I will always fight to save a friendship.

    I may sound messed up in the head to some people, and I'm ok with that. In actuality I'm normal I'm human, with doubts and fears just like everyone else. I've just found a productive outlet for expressing myself in a way that's easy for me.

Full circle

    Well tonight was not one that went smoothly to say the least. For the first time I had to let someone go. Not freeze them out, or simply ignore them, but end the relationship. If you know me you know how much an issue this is for me, I've had it done to me several times with no warming or reason. The situation was out of my hands, and I had a choice that had to be made, it honestly was not easy. The very thing that haunts me, and has hurt me, I had to go full circle switch sides of it. I was the one who ended it. It will be hard and take time, but I believe it's for the best. This is how ill end this post because I can't find the right words to end it however, maybe that's for the best as well.