Come and go

    Sometimes I wonder why some people come into our lives while some people disappear. Others become a part of you. Some friendships feel like they will last forever while others end way too fast. I've sadly learned that not every friendship is meant to last forever. However, what does last forever is the pain when that person is gone.

    This can be a hard lesson to learn, and even harder to adapt to once you've learned it. Losing someone is never easy, some are harder than others though. Once you know the pain of losing someone you might start to worry about the people who are left (especially if there's not many).simetimes losing someone can make you a little paranoid. Then you feel that you're losing something really important to you, and that freaks you out more, and then you try to hold on a little too tightly to them. When really you weren't ever losing them to begin with. I know it sounds crazy, (and insanely hard) but sometimes the best thing you can do is give people space. Let them come to you for a change.

    The bottom line is we've all gotta accept that people come and go from our lives, (and it's really hard to accept sometimes) but the people who want to stay will. 

Never fading out

    Sometimes it feels like we're stranded alone on a desert island. From a glance people would think we are waiting on a rescue team to find us, but we manage to keep surviving and no matter what is thrown our way we keep on thriving. Our light is never fading out.

    We have to keep hope that there is always a better tomorrow despite whatever's going on today. I choose to live that way, that despite the occasional hurt, loneliness, and grief I choose not to snuff out my light that shines. People say you can't hurt and have hope at the same time. I say that we are all human and pain effects everyone, but it only allows you to give up on hope if you let it. Feeling emotions is normal no matter what anyone says or will say. 

    I don't know about you, but for myself I don't want my light ever fading out. Because I see it as when the light is gone, that's when the real troubles will start.

My guardian angel works overtime.

    I am honestly sincerely blessed in my life, I have a guardian angel who works overtime protecting, and blessing me. Some people would question my saying this. Honestly it's a "how you look at it" view. Some people see the illness, and all the doctors and think how could I ever consider that a blessing. 

    Well to start with despite it all I'm still alive I find that worth celebrating in itself, I've had a lot of medical procedures start to go south but I still managed to pull through. Then I've been in several accidents and every time I've managed to walk away almost completely unscratched. I definitely have someone watching out for me.

    As for my condition? Yes I have issues, but in this thing we call life show me someone who doesn't have any issues! We all have obstacles in our path at times, but that doesn't mean we should give up, we just need to find a way around them. I'm walking, I'm living life (defying gravity) you might say. 

    I've been blessed a wonderful caring, helpful, and supportive family. People who drop thier schedule to help me when I need it. A mom, dad, stepmom, step dad, brother, sister in law, cousins, aunts, uncles, a nephew, nieces, grandmothers and grandfathers. Family is one big thing I'm blessed with for sure. 

    I've also been blessed with some truly extraordinary people who've found their way into my life, and included me in theirs. While not everyone reached out to me there were some diamonds in the rough I've been fortunate enough to be able to call friends and even best friends, or BFFL's. I firmly believe people need friends to survive life. No one can survive going through isolated.

    Sure I've had some bad experiences, and I haven't completely broke free of the medical life, but I can't say I'm not blessed. My life is unique, and honestly I wouldn't change it if I had the choice. The path my life is taking me, I wouldn't wanna risk losing the people I know now for the chance to change everything.

    Life is how you look at it, and what you make of it. I'm choosing what I've learned, and that's hope is always around the corner. 

Clarity stronger than you think

    Sometimes we are hurting, and sometimes it's simply because we don't know that we truly have the things we are so badly wanting. Doubts try to get us to forget the truth of what we know, and holding on to truth can be hard, so when we finally have someone show us the clarity of the situation it can have a big impact. Usually it' little things like wanting to know someone will be there when we fall, or that someone won't disappear on us. We can't expect reassurance, and clarity to hit us everyday, but when it does we have to hold on to it along with the truth. We can't let fear, and doubts wash away what we know.
    If you have the clarity you need hold on to it tightly, and if you haven't gotten it yet be patient, I can honestly say that if its meant to be, you will receive it. Its funny how a simple act can wash away someones doubts and fears so easily. When not but, the day before it was crippling the person. Sadly we have to understand clarity may not ever be shown in some situations, and we have to be prepared for that. Just trust your instincts, ask God to help you calm down, and show you which way will lead you out.

Where do we stand

    Sometimes we can't help but wonder where do we stand with some people. With some people it's written on their face, while others.. you can't always see their face so, how can you read them when you can't see them? I'll be honest I tend to read stuff into things that more than often aren't really there. The sad truth is that we can't always know what people are thinking. So how do we know where we stand with some people? Aside from flat out asking, I'm personally at a loss. With some people that option falls flat, because if you didn't truly have problems before you asked, chances are you more than likely will after. Nobody wants someone who's clingy, or who can't go a day without hearing from them without jumping to the worst conclusions. I guess you have to trust what you know to be true, and ignore those doubts. I'll be honest again, it's hard to just let go when all you want is some clarity. One last thing that I guess I should say is if it's really bothering you, and you still can't bring yourself to confront them without having the fear of losing them from your life, ask yourself do you really have them as a part of your life?
    Also just remember from time to time, let the people in your life who matter to you know just how much they matter to you.