Falling without a parachute

    Ok so sometimes I can be.. kinda shy. I also know that can come off as me looking shallow, and uncaring, but I'm not either of those things (at least I don't see myself that way). For me being apart of a group is hard at times because sometimes I just feel like I'm trying to push myself into somewhere where I'm not wanted, or where I don't really belong.  I guess I'm quiet so that I don't draw attention to myself, and end up hurt. I've had some really bad experiences with trust, (more than one easy) and they all were the same. I met someone we clicked and things went good for awhile, I opened up, and started to trust, then out of the blue their just gone. I fell and there was no parachute you could say. Each time is definitely a little harder than the last, and like anyone would I think "why should I put myself back out there to try again when it could happen all over?".
    The reason is that I have made good friends as well, (really good friends, at least I hope thats how they feel) so I do still see that benefits from testing the waters. Besides in life theres gonna be good times and bad times. So thats a part of the reason that I'm shy. Not that I think I'm better, not that I don't wanna be your friend, and not that I'm anti-social, but because I just don't want to end up falling again without a parachute to save me.

Sunburn!

Ok so my first trip of the summer didn't end well at all. However, It started out great, the first day we just relaxed and took the paddle boat out and stay'ed in the cove area. The second day however we took the paddle boat out again (earlier like 10am since my friend just had to go out early) this time we paddled out of the cove and went to two different islands, then all the way to the marina to swim (over 4miles) the whole trip took a little over 3 hours, and it was around 1pm when we decided to head back. Once we got back we noticed we were a little burnt, we decided it was because we forgot to put on sunscreen. Once we got back to the cabin we both noticed we had red tan lines, and were very burnt. Due to my friend not being able to stand it, we packed up and went home late the night instead of the next day.
Now I'm sore, ITCHY, hot, and burnt. I can't sleep because of the constant itchiness, parts of me are red as a lobster, and I'm constantly burning up. Plus did I mention that I'm ITCHING LIKE CRAZY?!?!?
So what have I learned and what is my advice to you? Always wear sunscreen, even if your the only person who wants it, you use it that way you won't have to go through this agony.

Congratulations on Graduation class of 2012!!

    Last night I had the privilege to get to go to the Christian Heritage High School 2012 graduation ceremony. I got to watch my cousin Kathleen Watkins. along with all the senior class (including a lot of people I consider to be good friends, but mostly amazing individuals) walk across the stage to get their diplomas. I know all of the CHS graduates are going to do amazing things with their lives.

    I also just want to congratulate all the other Dalton GA, high school graduates: Northwest, Dalton, Coahulla creek, Career Academy, and Southeast, Whichever school, all the 2012 graduates. 

   I can't believe its already been a year since my own graduation (Class of 2011), Time really just flew by, so all I can say is make the most of it. 

    So enjoy your time in the spotlight Class of 2012 you all have earned it congratulations!!

Ready to take some trips!

Well it looks like summer is finally here, and I am ready to travel a little, so far it looks like to kick things off this weekend I'm going to the lake for some relaxation, then in June I've got a trip to Florida with a day included at the Magic Kingdom, then in July looks like ill be heading to Boston for a few days.

if you don't already know, I love to travel and see sights. So it looks like the summer is shaping up to be a good one:)

Sanctuary

Everyone needs a place they can call their sanctuary, a place that the feel safe, a place where they can escape their troubles.
Usually it is a quiet place, where you can be alone, however, sometimes it's a more public place, Some will just like it to be quiet, while others might like music (it really just depends on your personality I think).
Im glad that I can say my church Rock Bridge Community Church is probably one of my sanctuaries, not just because it's a church (and your sanctuary doesn't have to be a church) I just feel like the environment there is very welcoming. I go there to read or to just sit and for a little while everything fades away. I feel that I belong there.
Some people will say they have other people who are their sanctuary, now I'm not saying that's wrong, but it would be hard for me to fully trust someone like that (other than god of course). I do believe that there are people in my life that help keep me anchored, they probably don't know they do though. Those kinda people I see as pillars that help keep you up, they aren't your sanctuary, but they are a vital part of your stability system.
Sanctuaries are nice places that shine with light that pierces through whatever darkness is shrouding around you.
And I'm glad that I have a couple.

Chain of memories

Ever feel like you've lost a memory, you think there is something your supposed to remember, but you just can't seem to find the memory? Well as we get older that feeling seems to happen more and more often. I think of memories as all being chained together, for when you remember one, it leads to another memory, and another memory, and another memory all chained together. Now the few that we have forgotten aren't lost, I just think the chains have come unhinged, and the memory is just asleep (sometimes it feels like the harder we try to remember those memories the more fuzzy they get.
Some memories we wish we could forget, some we are afraid we will forget, but one thing you can always be sure is that no matter what no one can take, or change your memories because they are yours, and you can't change history. So your memories of some friends and family members that you don't get to see anymore may start to fade, but deep inside you'll never forget anyone, sometimes you just have to wait for your memories to awaken.). 

International MPS Awareness Day!!

Well May 15th Tuesday is International MPS Awareness Day! Mucopolysaccharidoses is a rare genetic, storage disease. There are several forms of MPS, in my case it's known as hunter syndrome, it's rare effecting 1 in 150,000 males.

There currently is no cure and it is a terminal illness usually by age 13, however, Shire pharmaceuticals has created a drug (Thank You God!!) known as Elephrase, which has acted as a stabilizer, thus keeping patients healthy. The drug is given through an infusion type process.

The color purple represents MPS awareness, the ribbon in the photo is just 1 of 4000 that are being distributed throughout Dalton GA, as well as info sheets to help better understand MPS. So wear the color purple to show your awareness, or even a purple ribbon The high schools Northwest, Dalton, and Christian Heritage are all going to help with distributing the ribbons and info sheets. This was all thrown together a month ago and I just want to think my friends and family all who helped get all this done. It looks like its going to turn out better than I ever thought it would

So go out and raise Awareness for MPS!!!

Piece of a puzzle

One way or another we all want to know where we belong, we want to know the fact that we do belong. If you look around in almost any environment middle school, high school, college, even work places you'll find cliques, groups, and people who tend to stick together. Some bond over games, others like the same books or movies, some are just there to support one another. Now if you look harder past all of those people, usually in the background or less populated areas you'll find people by themselves, people who don't really belong to any of the groups, and always alone. Maybe you've been that person, or perhaps you've seen some of those people. If your part of a group you enjoy knowing the fact you have certain people in your life, that you know them on a personal level. We are all in my opinion pieces of a very large puzzle, one that will never be completed, for new pieces are added every day. Sure some groups make up a good portion of an image so you sorta have an idea of the picture, but off to the side like when your working a real puzzle there are a few single pieces that just haven't found there place yet. Those people whether they show it or not want to be connected to a bigger part of the puzzle, we all do honestly. Sometimes though we may think our piece won't "fit in" with that section, or maybe its already got enough pieces, so we don't even try. The there are the groups that have got a good amount of pieces, try getting to know other pieces (people) because the more people you have the pieces there are that have to be singled out. Plus if your looking at it like a puzzle, really don't you want as many pieces as you can get?

We really are all just a piece of a bigger puzzle, United we stand, alone we fall.

Plus you never know that person you see standing alone, may be just the piece your group needed, and vice versa y'all might be just what he, or she needed. (Think about it)

Quick post from treatment

Hey blogging from treatment today at T.C Thompson children's hospital. We had a late start today due to running late this morning, but currently I'm hooked up and the med is flowing through. Basically I have five more hours ahead of me that will be filled with TV or napping lol. There aren't too many people here today (odd honestly). Plus I just remembered that I have been getting this drug for over eleven years now, that's kinda crazy lol.

iJoin a gym

So yesterday afternoon I joined The Rush fitness center. I just went in to ask some questions about membership and fees. Well they gave me tour, and told me all about what they offer: free weights, cycling, treadmills, plus so many other machines. It was funny, I was looking at one machine completely baffled I was all like "do you pull it, lift it, push it, or kick it...?" then while I was staring at the machine someone got in it and I was like "ooh you use your arms" lol. They also have sauna, jet jacuzzi, showers, and lockers. Plus they are open 24hours a day (can't beat that).
So I hope this helps me get in better shape, hope to see some results before I go on vacation next month (optimistic I know lol) really hope I don't kill myself Haha!
But anyway, I signed up for a monthly membership. That way no cancelation fee, and it's only about forty dollars a month. Maybe this will help I sure hope do.
So let's just see how this works out. You never know lol

Breakdowns

    The truth is we all breakdown every once in awhile. Sometimes things just get too hard to bare, but that doesn't make us weak. We're human, so yeah we have emotions. You can't go around being happy all the time, that's not how life works. Sometime breaking down and crying will actually help, since your releasing all those bottled up emotions. I know I personally keep things bottled up until I reach my boiling point, and then I'll explode on whosever near me lol. You don't have to go public with your breakdowns, I know probably everyone has just locked themselves in their rooms and cried at least once, that's ok too. However, sometimes it does help having a friend with you during a break down for support, or they can try to help you get over it. If your having a breakdown believe me I know this sounds cliché but, tomorrow will be a new day, and time really does help.
    Don't ever let anyone cut you down because you had a breakdown because you know they've had one at one point, and theres nothing wrong with having them.

A look through my eyes

Don't run, don't hide,

 it will be alright, 

you'll see, trust me, ill be there.

    Everyone has a unique point of view, different life events show people different ways of seeing things. This post however is me trying to tell how things are seen when looked through my eyes. I wake up long after the sun has, after probably going to bed long after the moon did. I have seen cruelty in the world, some people are just oblivious of what they say or do, others however, know exactly what they are doing. I see people all as individuals, they all have their own story, one we may never be apart of, but theirs is just as important as our own. I like to see the good in people, but sometimes I see only the bad. Thats one of my own flaws, I'll admit trust is an issue for me, one I have been working on, and can say has gotten a lot better, but its still there. Sometimes I'm just scared to trust, because I don't want to end up losing anyone that I start to connect with. 

    With music I'm a strong believer that it can change your mood, and you'll never find me without my iPhone, or in the car blasting the speakers with whichever song I am currently in addicted to. For me my best escape are books. I love reading, for me books are sorta like friends. You learn about the characters, you grow to like some, dislike others, and experience the events that are scattered throughout the pages. It's just like real life I think. Now the easiest way that I think for me to express myself, is writing. When speaking unless I really know and trust you, I'll usually remain pretty silent. However, with writing for some reason its just easy for me to write the things that I want to say out loud. I think that I'm still, and always will be young at heart. Disney is one of the things that has a lot of my interest. The old disney movies, Disney world, and basically any of the old school disney I just honestly like, does that make me immature? I don't think so. 

    As for friends, I love all the ones that I have. I see it that friends are one of the most important things you can have in this world. Once someone is my friend, I will always stand by them, and be there for them whenever they need me. I see it that losing a friend is one of the worst things that can happen to you, (trust me it really is). Im glad to say that I have some of the best. Plus with God the best friend of all, you can't really go to wrong. Due to my trust issues some problems have occurred, and I'll be honest I broke down a couple of times because some people knew it would hurt me, and they used it against me. However, some I don't think they even know they did anything, so I don't really hold those few responsible. I just keep trying to look up, who knows maybe things will change for the better in some of those situations that are still occurring.

    As for having MPS as an illness I don't think of it as a bad thing. I honestly think it was a good thing, yes it took away a lot of stuff that I wanted to do, (and thats a lot of stuff) but it also gave me back so much. Yes there were times when it was unbearable, but thankfully I got through it. It's one of the reasons that I have a unique view. I have never once blamed god for getting MPS, it showed me how to never take things for granted, and that he is always in control no matter how bad the situation may get. I honestly see that without the bad times or events in our lives, we just wouldn't appreciate the good ones.

Well there you go, a little of what a look through my eyes is like.

Trust is a must

Where would we be without trust? Honestly, we wouldn't be very far because trust is connected to so much of our lives. Friendships, and love both use trust as glue, without trust nothing would be able to hold itself together. I know personally that trust in friendships is important because its trust that helps you slowly take down walls that you put up to protect yourself, so that you can finally start letting people in.

Its also why when you breaks a friends trust, you damaged the friendship as well, because they go hand in hand. The same goes for love, your not going to be with someone, and tell them all your secrets, and care for them if you don't trust them. Right? Sometimes trust can be hard, sometimes it can come natural, and sometimes it will end badly, but honestly without trust we would be nowhere, at least nowhere good anyway. For life to work trust honestly is a must.

First poetry post! ~All I~

All I
You can bruise me you can use me

But I promise you, I will never turn away

I believe that somewhere deep inside of you

Sleeps the friend that I know will always come through 

So here I'll wait only just a call away

And if you should ever need me 

I'll come running anytime night or day

And maybe you will finally see

That all I want

Is for you to be in my life

That all I need

Is just to know that you  care for me

Do you see me standing here trying to reach out

Do you hear me straining not to shout

Please don't disappear and leave me full of doubt  

The reason that I'm voicing my fears

Are due to wounds from previous years

I was shattered in darkness

Being chocked with fear

Truly felt that no one was near

No one saw my shining tears

I was bruised and I was broken

I was used and I was choking

Didn't think I'd ever trust again 

I am holding on with all my might

putting all my trust into this not wanting to lose this fight

I am ready for this friendship to take flight

by Cameron Watkins