Crack of dawn

    Good morning, well to those of you who are awake that is. You see as of late I have not been having the most restful of nights. I thought it would eventually just pass, that it was just a phase, but sadly that does not seem to be the case. Since it is the crack of dawn, i figured why not for a brief time crack open, and catch a glimpse of some of whats going on in my mind. During the day I'm tired, at nights its hard to fall into a slumber, the thoughts simply won't quit racing through my head. Of course when I finally do manage to fall asleep, it's been called the sleep of the dead, and not many people have yet to succeed in waking me.
    I think the stress of daily life is catching up with my body, and it's not mixing all too well. What could I possibly have that's stressful in my easy life you ask? Well for starters I've had a falling out with a friend of whom I've known for most of my life just a little over a month ago. and they were pretty set in their decision. Plus the fact I've heard nothing from them since then speaks volume on its own. While on a similar subject, change is in the air while a few more friendships may soon be changing, hopefully not for the worse.
    Then there are times I think about what am I doing? Life is passing me by, and I'm floating. Granted right now is an ok time to float, but I just know that I don't wanna float forever. I'm surrounded by people daily who are moving on to better things, and at times I feel like I'm getting left behind. There are also times I just feel inferior to them.  However, at the same time I'm sincerely thrilled, and happy for them, so it's kind of a constant back and forth.
    Now while I am truly thankful for the drug that has helped me tremendously, having to take it every week for life, kinda gets you stuck in a pattern. It never changes, and while yes it helps, I do still hope that a permanent solution one day comes about. Having to make sure my schedule works around it, as well as securing people to help take me at times isn't the easiest of challenges. I would never not want this medicine that helps me in so many ways, I just at times wish that I was not chained to it. However the benefits here far outweigh the few discomforts.
   There are a few other things that are floating around in my mind from time to time however, I believe it's best to not put everything to text. Everyone is entitled to their own private thoughts, think about whats floating around in your mind. Would you wanna share it all?  Well thats it, I might now try to get some sleep ha.
    Remember though everyone has things going on in their life that you probably don't know about, so don't assume you know everything. The one thing though that I've learned is that with time all things begin to fade, just how much time? Well it varies from person to person. So respect people, and be kind. You never know when a small act is all they need to make their day.

Fear can be a good thing

     Sadly fear can be the number one motivater in life. The fear of being discovered, fear of failure, fear of liking the wrong person. People who seem to have dumped all that fear behind them truly are special, but at the same time it's what makes them voulnerable. Because you see, fear can be a very good thing. It's what can keep you from underestimating people. As well as keep you from making mistakes about how far you can push someone before they choose to push back. 

Where did things go wrong

    When I look around I see this world still holds so much goodness in it, but at the same time it also holds it's fair share of wickedness. Our generation has damaged so much. Starting with love. Love used to be caring for someone. Now love is a loose excuse for sex, and getting things you want. It used to be pure and innocent. Friends love each other, family loves each other, and then there's the romantic aspect of love. At times now if you say you love a friend you can be mocked. Caring for others isn't always seen as the strongest. And Sex is the only thing that can save a relationship. 

    Where did everything go wrong? I honestly don't know, I think it has something to do with image, and how people see us. Lately I've been debating on things, and I've come to a conclusion. We're on this earth for a brief amount of time, so I figure we should act how we want, instead of molding to society. 

    If you wanna hug your friend go ahead, if you wanna spend time with your family over partying do it, if someone says they are going to leave you unless you have sex tell them goodbye. I may be one of the few who choose this, but I'm choosing to be happy, and carefree. 

Gift of a friend

    The most valuable thing any person can give you is the gift of a friend. Someone who sincerely cares about you, and is there when you've had a rough time, or just aren't in the best of places. Someone who listens, when you need them to, and tries to help with what you may need. Even if it's nothing more than reassurance. I'm lucky, the people in my life I call friends are some of the best, and I'm sincerely thankful for them.
    Honestly though being a friend to someone is one of the best gifts you can give to someone. It shows you care enough about someone to take time out of your life and either be apart of theirs, or try and let them be apart of yours. It's kinda like giving someone your trust, because friends grow close over time, and you learn more about each other. The closer you are the more you care is how I see it. Friends don't care about your problems or issues (if someone in your life does, you may need to see just how much of a friend they are).
    So when someone gives you the gift of a friend, treasure it. Because even a short lived friendship can bring you so much in the long run. I can't say that every friendship will last forever, because nothing is for certain, but I think a few no matter what will find a way to survive no matter what this world tries to throw at it.

We all need to hear

    I think we all need to hear that we are loved, or cared about from time to time. That we are appreciated in the things we do. In my opinion when people do that it's like they took time out of their life, and purposely thought about you. Little things like hat can make anyone's day. 

    Everyone wants to feel wanted, and a part of something bigger than just themselves. Life can be a lonely place when you feel isolated, so remember that personally as well. Try to tell other people in your life that they are also valued. 

    Kindness is like a virus ha, you start spreading it, and it can infect more people than you thought possible 

Self validation

    Well let me start off by saying if you're looking in other people for self validation, it won't matter what anyone says. Self validation comes from within. You have to be able to say you've earned it by your standards. For some people that's not an easy thing to accomplish. We all have a tendency to criticize ourselves much harder than we do others.
    No matter how other people see us will never fully give us the self validation were seeking, so trying to change ourselves, or just act in a way that would please someone in order to get validation from them, won't work. No one can give us what we are looking for in that area. However, the moment we accept this and stop looking for validation from other people, is the moment when we've accepted ourselves. (and that's self validation, when you think your what you need to be).

The amazing Spider-Man two

    So I got to see the amazing Spider-Man two the other day, and I have to say I loved it. I'm not one who usually gets excited about movie, let alone super hero charachters ha. However, I remembered that I enjoyed the first one in this second spin on the series (I have to say I like the second set of films more than the first ones).

    I got to see it with my friend Byron, he said he enjoyed it as well. There was a lot of debate on the second film due to a key charachters death. However, all I'll say is that they stick to the comic storyline, and while I'll miss the charachter I thought it made the movie better. 

Now I can't wait for the third ha. 

Only you can shape your destiny

    No matter where you are in life there will always be people telling you how you are going to end up. Trying to tell you what your destiny is. I personally believe that destinys are not set in stone. They can be changed, however only you can take control and change it. 

    If you believe that you are a bad person because of something in your past, and you can't let it go then you probably will end up bad. However, if you can learn to let go of the past, and move on you can change how things will end. 

    Whether we like it or not there are many things that effect our destiny, our friends, people who we don't get along with, our family, our insecurities. So many things that try, and mold us. We have to learn to block out the things we don't want, and only take strength in the things that help us where we need it most.

    So don't let anyone tell you what your destiny is because you control where it ends. At the same time don't judge others by where they are now, because they too can take control of their destiny for the better. 

Trying too hard, or not enough?

    Have you ever felt like you're trying to hard, or perhaps not trying hard enough with some people in your life? Either one can have bad results to be honest. When you don't try much with people you care about in order to give them space there is always the chance it comes accross as you don't hold as much value in them as you might in actuality. Then when you try to hard at times you can come off as needy, and pathetic. 

    So how do you find a good middle? Sadly the answer for every person varies, because ever person is unique. So you have to get to know how the said person reacts, where some people are ok with stuff like handshakes, and others would be more open to hugs. Test your boundaries, and make notes about when they react badly. 

    The closer the person is to you the easier it will be to determine, a little tip I'd say is to trust what you know to be true, don't let doubts and insecurities cloud your judgement on the situations.