Outside looking in

    I'll be honest at times I feel like I'm on the outside looking in, and it's probably due to my lack of ability to trust others. If you've read previous posts you'll know that I've been burned before, so I do have my reasons. Being with a group of people, but still feeling like no one's there is an awful feeling, one that I wouldn't wish on anyone. With some people still finding yourself asking yourself the question "are we friends?" not because theres any problems, but just because you feel like there is wall up between you, and them. Now when you start putting walls up yourself to protect yourself from getting hurt, it may seem like it helps, but honestly it just makes pushing people away more natural (something that should never be natural).  Now for those of you who don't have this little problem, or at least not as huge a degree as others, you should try to include people in your activities. Don't however just wear a mask of kindness when it suits you, be there and make them feel welcome (you can never have too many friends).

    One thing everyone should know is People need People, its a fact of life, it will never change. You never know the person you said hi to, well that might have just been the highlight of their day.

    Don't make people feel like their on the outside looking in, try to imagine whats thats like, and if you've been there why would you want to put someone else there?

A pictures worth a thousand words

    People say a picture is worth a thousand words, and you know I have to agree with that particular saying. Another thing that I enjoy is photography. I feel like with photography, yes you capture moments, but you capture them from your own personal view. This particular photo was taken on an amazing trip that I took this year in Snowshoe, WV with Rock Bridge Student Ministry. This one picture helps me remember everything about that trip, and thats what I like about photography. You don't only capture moments, you preserve memories. With one photo you can tell a whole story. So its really true a picture is worth a thousand words.

Birthday blues part two

   Ok so blues isn't the best way to describe how my birthday went/is going lol, but I figured it would be best to keep same title and just add part two since they are continued.
Well it went over a lot different than I thought it would. Tuesday night my dad and step-mom surprised me late that night with a small party and gift since I wouldn't be with them on my actual birthday. On my birthday my friend Kala took me to lunch, and then that night my friends Emily, and Mikayla tried to creep on me ( heard none of it lol) then we went to eat late that night.
That morning however, my phone had so many texts and calls.. Sadly right after I replied to the first one I lost my phone.. While I was surprised at a couple of people I didn't hear anything at all from, I was even more surprised by someone I did hear from (talk about out of the blue!)
    The next day at treatment my nurses and Miss Ashley celebrated my birthday at the hospital :) they decorated my infusion room with balloons, and a banner. Plus they all sang and gave me a card which they all had signed.
     Tonight I'm going out with my grandma, one of my most loved cousins Gracie, and my dad, and step-mom. (where?.. Not sure was supposed to have decided last night lol) Then tomorrow night(saturday) I'm going out with mother, and a lot of my family at olive garden in Chattanooga.
So lol my birthday is still going on (birth-week as I keep calling it) but it also has had so much already, lots of fun, but also a little drama
-just the way I like it haha!-

Birthday Blues

    Well April 18th is my birthday, my 20th to be precise, and its only just three days away. Now most people would be excited for that day, I however can't seem to get into the birthday spirit. The reason being I've had a lot of stuff happening at the same time all piling up on me. For starters I've been trying to organize an awareness day (MPS day), and I've finally gotten most of that worked out (just lots of phone calls and money). Then theres the fact that I received hate mail a few weeks ago, and the contents inside were truly just mean, and hurtful. Also I managed to lose all eligibility for finical aid, so thats a stress hanging like a black cloud over my head. Lastly it looks like once again someone who I considered a really good friend didn't feel the same, for its been over a month and I haven't seen or heard from the said person (No name dropping), but that last one I think has effected me the most, I've experienced this before a couple of times, and honestly it just gets worse each time.
    So now maybe you can see why I'm not quite in the birthday spirit,  but who knows maybe in the next three days something will change.
You never know.

As people we are all equal

My thoughts?  We all need each other, one way or another. That’s how life works. There’s give and there’s take. I think a person who willingly gives up his, or her life for another is courageous, but sacrificing someone else’s life is a whole different story. I couldn’t save my life at the cost of losing another. I believe you should try everything possible to prevent the loss of ANY life. I’m sure if people put their strength together, a sacrifice wouldn’t be necessary.

Shyness isn't always safe

    How many people are shy? I'd say most everyone has a shy side to them given the right circumstances. However, I also know that there are different levels of shyness from being shy in a room of people you've never met, all the way to being so shy that even people you do know, who barely know you at all due to you shutting everyone out of you, not ever letting anyone in. What do I think shyness is? I think its a fear, a fear of rejection, humiliation, and a lack of self confidence.  Shyness is normal in some areas, but if you don't attain a grip on it, it can get seriously out of control, and start controlling you. Once you start shutting people out be aware that when you finally need someone you may come to find that there is no one left. So try to be more outgoing if your shy, get a group of close friends that you trust, and can rely on (let them know they can rely on you as well). If you have a handle one your shyness I tip my hat off to you, and hope you know what you have.

So just remember while playing it shy, and quiet may seem safe at times, that honestly isn't always the case.

Why I want to be a writer

    Ok so you should know from my first post that I want to be a young adults author, however I didn't really go into detail as to why thats what I want to do. You see when I go into the bookstore these days it feels like almost every book is targeted for girls (no offense girls). As a guy there isn't really anything that you would want to be caught dead reading. Normally it seems like there are only books involving vampires, boarding schools, or love triangles (you know its true).  This is where part of my aspiration for writing comes in, when I write I ask myself the question "what would I want to read?" Then I try to think of what others would want trying to get a balance so that its not leaning too far in one direction, that way say your a guy reading the same book as a girl, but you don't care because it's not targeting a specific gender. Another aspect of my wanting to be an author corresponds a little with the previous one. When your the author, you create the story, the characters, everything. If you don't like something, well its your book, and you can change it. I want to write stores that haven't been to played out before, something fresh, and new. When I'm writing I can express myself so much easier, so I'm sure I slip a lot of myself into my work, which in my opinion is what makes some of the best authors so great. They were able to put parts of themselves into their stories, which is what I hope to be able to do.
So now you know some of the reasons that why being a writer is something I hope to one day be.

Needles, and doctors, and hospitals oh my!

Well I decided to go ahead, and get the medical post out of the way. This will probably be long.   

Hunter syndrome, or mucopolysaccharidosis II (MPS II), is a serious genetic disorder that primarily affects males. It is caused by the body's inability to break down certain elements in the body called mucopolysaccharides (mew-ko-pol-ee-sak-ah- rides), also known as glycosaminoglycans (gli-ko-sah-mee-no-gli-cans) or GAG. The buildup of GAG is due to a deficiency or absence of the enzyme iduronate-2-sulfatase (I2S). This buildup interferes with the way certain cells and organs in the body function and leads to a number of serious symptoms.

In the past, the management of Hunter syndrome was limited to palliative care. ELAPRASE® (idursulfase) is an enzyme replacement therapy designed to treat the underlying cause of the disease.

    I was diagnosed with that when I was around 3-4 years old. However Hunter syndrome is not the only thing that I had, or have going on, I had an Aortic and Mitral valve leak, as well as an enlarged heart on the right side (still have some heart issues), enlarged liver and spleen, carpal tunnel in my hands which made them curled, hearing loss in both ears, Low platelet counts, sleep apnea, multiple hernias, severe ear infections, and a decrease in my walking ability.

    For a while I had to get platelet infusions, those were a nightmare, it would start with us getting to the hospital, then someone would prick my finger for blood, and we would wait for the results. If the count was over 20,000 we were free to go home. However, if the count was below 20,000 (which it normally was) we had to stay and get the platelet infusion through an I.V(a needle).  About two hours in I would start getting cold, then I would be shivering, shaking in my seat. Then massive head aches that felt as if bricks were falling on my head would come. Finally the nurse would give me something, and I would be asleep for the rest of the day.

    When I was about 9 we got a call saying that I had been chosen as one out of twelve kids in the world to be apart of a clinical trial for a new drug that was supposed to help with Hunter syndrome (Thanks to God I was one of the lucky few that got chosen!). Every other week we flew to North Carolina, Chapel Hill, so that we could be in the double blind placebo. After a couple of months we started seeing results, my liver, and spleen started going back to normal size, my heart stabilized (we had been talked to about heart transplants prior to beginning the trial). During some of hose trips instead of only staying two days just for the treatment we would stay three days, and it would include sleep studies, blood work, pulmonary function tests, five hour MRI, physical therapy, EKG's hearing tests. About 4-5 years later we were able to go to chattanooga, TN, at T.C Thompson children's hospital a satellite hospital where we moved treatment from every other week to every week. This resulted badly with some leg pains after treatment. We moved it back to every other week, and things returned to normal, however a couple years after, we switched back to every week, and this time no problems arose. I still currently go to treatment every week on Thursday. (The drug eventually went on the market for sale and was officially named Elephrase, at a price around 10k a dose)

    The treatment process is that I get up early every thursday morning 7am, get ready, and then head to the hospital. There I sign in, the nurse calls me back, takes my vitals, and lets me go to my room. Once I'm there they call the pharmacist, and he mixes my medicine (they won't mix until they get word that I am there). then they will stick me in my chest where my PORT is, and then the medication process takes four to six hours. Usually I just watch TV or sleep, theres not too much really to do. Then when its all over I get to go home, the next day I might be drained, it doesn't happen every time, but there are times that I do get drained of energy, but it only lasts a few days.

    Surgeries, I've had a lot of those, multiple hernia surgeries, ear surgeries (for tubes), two hand surgeries for the carpal tunnel, teeth having to be pulled out, one for getting a "PORT" (a small device in my chest, where the needle goes so that my veins don't bust, which was happening a lot more often, which is why I got the PORT). Now surgeries, are dangerous for me due to my difficult airway intubation, and it has gotten more difficult for them to intubate me with the last previous surgeries (harder for them to wake me up). 

    So as you can see, I've grown up in multiple hospitals, seen multiple doctors, and had more needles than you can count. So now you you have a little but more in depth look at the hospital side of my life, and we have the main medical post out of the way.

Just who is Cameron Watkins

    The names Cameron, or Cam for short. I'm in college (planning on being a writer, hopefully a young adult author). I also help lead a group of middle school boys for my church, which whether they know it or not I truly love getting to know, and helping them. Ill be honest, I have doubts about myself. Don't we all? Im not the smartest person, definitely not the most athletic, and I'm pretty sure I don't have that much luck with the ladies. Some good things however are I love reading, most books I can read in one sitting (and its kinda a pain lol, you wait a whole year for a book then finish it in one sitting). I know I probably hide behind my books, lord knows I did during high school, I am trying to come out of my shell though. I have been burned before by people, and let me tell you it honestly Sucks! 
    Something else you might like to know is that I have a rare genetic disease known as MPS2 aka Mucopolisacaridosis aka Hunter Syndrome. (But thats another post).  I believe that I have a good sense in judgement, if I see a person I instantly feel as if I know whether or not the person is nice or not. Ill be honest not many people get through, and I keep my walls up allot of the time, if you've gotten through, then just know that I really treasure your friendship. Also when I sense someone isn't right, I've hardly ever been wrong, and can easily say I've dodged bullets. I couldn't tell you the traits that I look for, when I trust you its instant, its because something just clicked. The friends I do have, like I said are the most treasured things I have in my life, and I'm so thankful for them. 
    Then of course theres God, without him I wouldn't be here and I give credit to all that I do to him.