New Years Eve 2016

    Well new years eve is upon us once again and while there may be no fairy godmothers or wishing stars that will magically make 2017 a better year for us, that does not mean that we can't change things for the better in our lives. Sometimes we feel suck and want a way to break out of the life we are in, maybe we can't get past the people telling us we can never do more or go further, maybe we can't get past our limitations, who knows. However I'm living proof that if you don't like where your life is heading push back against what the world is saying and change things yourself. You can't wait on someone else to come along and do it for you.
    So while it is a cliche I do have some resolutions to make. Firstly I want to cut down or completely out on sodas. Second try to get in better shape and exercise even if it's just a little a day. Thirdly I wanna be more open and connect more wth people. A few small simple things but could change my life in big ways.
    So why do we seem to roll our eyes when we see  "New year new me"? its because a lot of people lose motivation early on new years though is a good night to try and make some changes but hey if you slip up along the way just pick up where you left off and keep going strong, and don't let people who ae happy being stuck hold you back!

Back from WDW (yes again lol!)

    So I just got back from Walt Disney World (Yes again ha!) and I have to say it was honestly fun quick trip. We flew down the 14th, hoping to save travel time and money..., but lol wasn't scheduled out the best and ended up adding about three to four hours to travel time. The flight down bother my ears pretty bad, thankfully once we landed they got better. We got to ride the magical express (a first for me it was pretty cool).
    It was an awesome time at disney during the Christmas season, we even went to the Christmas party which I hadn't been to in a long time, it's truly so worth it and in my opinion blows the halloween party out of the water! The 15th we spent the day at Magic Kingdom, and the evening attended the party. We met some cool characters including snow white and aurora they both had their boyfriends out for the party (never seen them before so that was cool!). I got to meet my favorite Peter Pan and very thankful it happened. At the party he was a roaming character so was sure if we'd get to find him and his christmas scarf he only wears during the parties!
    Getting home went pretty smoothly and i slept on the flight and my ears didn't even give me any problems! though it was a shock to get home and the weather difference lol!
     it was honestly a great time and perfect way to celebrate the christmas holidays! (can't wait to go back lol

dangers of alone

    You know being alone isn't a bad thing, it's also not what hurts people. In fact everyone needs alone time now and then to relax. In my opinion the damaging side of being alone, is when it comes after being used to not being alone, after trusting people and enjoying each other. To going from talking almost daily to going to no replies at the drop of the hat. Promises once made, now broken.
    The cycle of meeting people, learning about each other, trusting and caring for each other, then disappearing. That cycle plays out in everyones life at some point. However in some cases it happens again, again, and again. The cycle never seeming to break. This leads to doubts forming, trust issues, self esteem issues. For those cases I'm not really sure what can be done, because each time you try to reach out to someone new to make a new friend you take the risk. Really all any of us can do is be hopeful that this new encounter will prosper, and be thankful for the people we already have in our lives, even if we feel like we don't have that many. If you can say you have one person in your life that cares you are blessed.

obstacles? go around them.

    You know lately I've been pretty bored, honestly this past weekend I did nothing productive. It took an old show to remind me of a lesson. You see I was blaming the fact that the people I wanted to hang out with were busy, and I was using that as an excuse to not do anything all weekend. Which in the long run effected no one but myself.
    I was blaming my circumstances for my problems, when I could have done other thing instead. Honestly if you have obstacles blocking your path go around them. Don't just let them become an excuse to give up. So thanks to Sabrina the teenage witch for reminding me of that!

In their own time

    People say that everything happens for a reason, and if it's meant to be it will happen in its own time. I'm hopeful, and always wanna believe the best will come. However, I have the tendencie as I've mentioned before to expect the worst. I don't like the uncertainty, the waiting to see where things will end up. I pray that my uncertainties don't end up causing my fears to become the realities.

    Time never sits still, and things constantly are changing, but I don't think it's wrong to want some constant things in your life. Things you can depend on, and trust. So why do I lay awake worrying if things are about to shatter? When will peace of mind come? I don't know to be honest. But I'm holding on to the facts what I've been told, and I'm holding on to hope, because honestly I guess that's all you can do, just hope for the better. 

    

New trusts

    Lately I've opened up to new people, which I'm hoping is a good thing as I've been burned in that area before. It however, is not good to isolate yourself even if it just what you prefer to be by yourself, or at least thats what people have told me. Anyways, I'm still playing pokemon, and with it meeting several people. However, a few have actually managed to grow close. Will, someone who turns out actually grew up in same neighborhood as me, and seems to understand all the medical drama my life is filled with. Chris a positive person who's already taught me not to fret over the little things trying to hold me back. Lastly Tim who is just honestly a nice person and enjoys Cici's pizza with me ha.
    Three new people, actually make that three new friends that I just clicked with. None have held my limitations against me or treated me any differently despite them. It's a nice feeling trust. However, I've had some bumps along the way as I always expect things not to last, or to fade away as a result of something I did. These new friends though have each shown me the good side of trust, and assured me not to let the doubts in my mind underestimate the strength of the friendships.
    I'm not the best when it comes to trust, but for the moment I'm letting myself try.

Made it to Disneyland!!

    Okay so I managed to make it to Disneyland!! (just got back last night) My friend Tina,  who works for spirit airlines helped get me a very good deal on a round trip LAX!  Wednesday I flew out from Atlanta the flight thankfully wasn't too bad and my ears handled it pretty well. I met up with Tina at the airport and we ate lunch at In-And-Out burger which was honestly a nice California treat! We spent the evening in downtown disney and just explored, but quickly needed up back at the hotel to make sure we got some rest for the big day.
    Thursday we got in the park right when it opened and honestly I had a blast, I'm not gonna just list out everything we did as i feel thats not fun to read, but I will say I got to do everything I was hoping to for such a short trip! We got to ride all the rides that walt disney world has and got to see the differences between them, got to experience disneyland's own personal attractions, and I even managed to find my favorite disney hero Peter Pan!! We were also there the last week of the 60th anniversary diamond celebration.
    I never imagined id get a chance to visit where it all got started let alone ever get to see such a cool celebration, it was really a blessing to get the chance to experience it all! The only downside to the trip is the flight back I received an ear infection full force and currently already on antibiotics trying to clear it up.
    Now people are asking me which do I like better? Honestly it's a hard choice for me. Disneyland is like a huge magic kingdom, which is my favorite part of walt disney world, but i guess the factor that keeps me with disney world is distance its a lot easier for me to get there lol.

Doubts

    Trust is honestly a hard thing for everyone, I've become pretty open with meeting new people lately however, holding on to those new relationships seem to wanna tear me apart inside. I honestly don't have the best self esteem at times, and self doubt. 

    I read things into things that aren't there at times, and sometimes question whether a friendship is true. I have made some good friends and I've got to the point of trusting them. I know my uncertainty and doubts at times probably get old and annoying to some people, causing the very problems I was worrying over. I worry I get annoying, I worry I become a burden.

    For a while I closed myself off from opening up to people, and now I kinda remember why. I can be needy, which can feed of my insecurities and doubts. When something goes wrong I blame myself. Some say it's the price to pay for having a big heart, the bigger the heart the easier it is to hurt. Personally I choose to see that as a positive way to look at it.

    So for me trust is honestly not the easiest, and I hope I don't ruin some of these new friendships im making, but I guess only time will tell. 

Out of shell

    A little time as past since my last entry so I'm just gonna use this post to write whatever's going on in my head. Well let's see I can say I've been playing Pokemon Go for the last week and I have been more active while playing this little game than I have in a couple years, even lost some weight. Its also getting me to be more social with people which for me can sometimes be hard out of my comfort zone. I'm very open at hospital when sharing my story so you'd think that personality trait would carry over into other aspects of my life, sadly that's not the case. 

    I keep to myself for the most part not letting many people in, except some exceptional few. But this game has got me talking to new people and getting to know them, and while that is a good thing in my opinion it also raises some bad ha.

    I constantly question everything when it comes to new people (usually I'm a good judge of character though) however, I still find myself wondering are we friends now? Were they just being nice? And honestly i don't know how to deal with those questions because I feel once you ask them to the person in question they could turn out to have been worries in my head, but since I brought them up I would look bad. It's confusing I know. 

    Once I let someone in though I'd do just about anything if they needed help, and I guess that's why I'm so hesitant and cautious I just don't want to be taken advantage of, or left alone down the road.

So the game while fun it's helping me physically wise I'm walking better than I have in months, and it's slowly getting me out of my shell, hopefully I can Lear to tune out all the doubts 

Move on, and let go

    Sometimes we hold on to the things we love, the people we care about, or even searching for answeres. Sometimes we are too blinded by ourselves to see that we have to let go. After trying everything to not to have to give up what we are trying so hard to keep. 

    The thought of losing those threads we are holding on to weighing us down, but we don't feel or see the weight. The past belongs in the past, and sadly we are inevitably going to lose people, things, and never get some answers. We can't let that hold us back though. 

    Sometimes the hardest choice really is letting go, and facing life front face forward. Things happen for a reason and while in can't speak for objects, and all answers, I can though for people. I'm pretty sure all people want you to continue on with your life and make it the best possible life for yourself despite them having to move on from you. They don't want to be tying you down holding you back. 

    Life will be full of moments it's honestly up to you to decide how you live based on them. 

Wildfire

    Emotions can spark out and take on lives of their own, all it takes is a little kerosine to set every part of your life ablaze. Consuming you and ripping you apart at the same time. 

    Like a fire not completely put out, we just leave it thinking if we don't look back everything will be ok its buried. Those emotions can find a way out and, like the smoke can cloud our judgement and how we are perceiving things. Making us read things into things that aren't really there. Without any kind of control like a wildfire our emotions can burn us alive if left unchecked. 

What have I done with my life?

    It's true what they say about lessons coming from strange places at times. Because I got taught one recently and it opened my eyes. You see I'm very grateful to be alive, but I feel sometimes like I don't deserve it because what have I done to deserve my extended life? 

    I was watching tv and this show caught exactly what I had been feeling about this woman who got a second chance at a life, and years later people were wanting to know what had she done with her life since she got that fateful chance? And she was embarrassed because honestly she hadn't done anything super special with that second chance. However it ended with her realizing it doesn't matter that she didn't do anything extraordinary with her life, but the fact that she was healthy, living life, and was happy was really all that mattered.

    That hit me so I may not have done anything extraordinary aside from beating the odds with my life yet,  (and I still might go on to do something big one day) but I am happy and I'm living and really that's all that should matter. 

Always something waiting

    Stress, worry, anticipation. Three feelings we have daily whether we care to admit it or not. Right now something is going on in your life that if you could just get past it things will get easier, or even better am I right? I'm just gonna say that lately I've had an revelation and to some it will seem kinda obvious but to others it will seem daunting. There will always be something around the corner to stress or worry about. Getting past this hump will not end that because before you know it you'll be tangled up in a new drama. 

    The simple solution is to just live life and not stress about things as much, hope for the best and dive into your life. Of course it's not that simple when your facing the trials head on, and things are looking grim. I can honestly say I was facing some stuff last year and finally I got past it ending in a good way, and things were good, but now something else has already reared its ugly head lol.

    The point in trying to get is all that stress isn't worth it, don't let it consume your life. Breathe in, breathe out, and just focus on tackling today! Or else you risk surrorcsying from trying to only breathe during the breaks. 

Shrug it off

    I'm not a fan of labels, or judging people, do I do it? Of course I do we all have judged someone at some point. What I mean is I don't like people judging others and trying to define them themselves. Here is a newsflash if it's not your life it doesn't need your opinion. Simple and clean. Words hurt and without meaning it you can do a lot of damage to someone by picking away at someone's personality and hobbies. 

    It takes time but once it finally clicks and you start to ignore other people except for those that matter, and shrug it off your life starts going a lot smoother. There is very limited time on earth so why waste it with negativity from others?