Laying on the couch as I write this, it's after midnight lol. I once again find myself with the dilemma of trying to get sleep to come to me.
The next few months are going to be pretty busy, starting a new school experience, starting up a new small group, vacation with mom and a friend in FL (with some days in Disney of course), a trip to Atlanta for my 21st birthday including a concert featuring R5. And so many books that I've been waiting for are coming out.
So you would think with all this stuff I'd be on cloud 9. Honestly I hate to say it, but I'm not. I'm excited and happy don't get me wrong. But I'm nervous for the new school, I really want it to work out, I want something to help me get to being a published author. I hope the new small group goes well people have said positive things about it, but at the first meting tonight no one came but the two other leaders. I know it was short notice but I hope this group comes out alright. The vacation is in two weeks and I really am looking forward to that just to get away for a little while, I do feel guilty since I will miss a week of the new group, but I need some me time. The concert it looks like I'm going with my friend Kala, and it should be fun, I even have a VIP package however, I can see myself doing something stupid (tripping, falling, getting sick) and then there is the picture with the band (I'm not big on pictures of myself because I always see my flaws, I'd rather everyone else didn't, especially a band that's famous, and I like).
Really just a lot of back and forth going on in my head its no wonder I can't sleep ha. Lingering doubts that surface about friends, where it feeds off my trust issues to where I ask myself "are we friends?" I'm the type of person who dosent want to be a pain or in the way or a burden, so I usually fade away scared if I do anything ill upset the person. It's always with people I care about I guess because I don't wanna lose them, but I hope those people know I would go to the moon and back for them.
So that is a little peek at what's going on in my head this evening lol.
I know how you feel with a couple of those things....like I almost never talk, part of it is I'm naturally calm and quite, the other part is that I don't want to say something wrong and either offend (when I didn't mean to) or make a compete idiot out myself. (When I'm really nervous I tend to talk nonsense and don't mean half of what I say) I am always thinking about where I and another person stand, 'They seem like they hate my guts...' 'Well they might not, but I'm not sure...' and just a bunch of going back and forth in my head over all sorts of different things, good and bad. No wonder I don't go to sleep till like midnight or 1am at night! lol
ReplyDeleteI am excited about the R5 concert and can't wait to see you there....I think its cool that there is someone around me who is also an R5er.
- Hannah