In their own time

    People say that everything happens for a reason, and if it's meant to be it will happen in its own time. I'm hopeful, and always wanna believe the best will come. However, I have the tendencie as I've mentioned before to expect the worst. I don't like the uncertainty, the waiting to see where things will end up. I pray that my uncertainties don't end up causing my fears to become the realities.

    Time never sits still, and things constantly are changing, but I don't think it's wrong to want some constant things in your life. Things you can depend on, and trust. So why do I lay awake worrying if things are about to shatter? When will peace of mind come? I don't know to be honest. But I'm holding on to the facts what I've been told, and I'm holding on to hope, because honestly I guess that's all you can do, just hope for the better. 

    

New trusts

    Lately I've opened up to new people, which I'm hoping is a good thing as I've been burned in that area before. It however, is not good to isolate yourself even if it just what you prefer to be by yourself, or at least thats what people have told me. Anyways, I'm still playing pokemon, and with it meeting several people. However, a few have actually managed to grow close. Will, someone who turns out actually grew up in same neighborhood as me, and seems to understand all the medical drama my life is filled with. Chris a positive person who's already taught me not to fret over the little things trying to hold me back. Lastly Tim who is just honestly a nice person and enjoys Cici's pizza with me ha.
    Three new people, actually make that three new friends that I just clicked with. None have held my limitations against me or treated me any differently despite them. It's a nice feeling trust. However, I've had some bumps along the way as I always expect things not to last, or to fade away as a result of something I did. These new friends though have each shown me the good side of trust, and assured me not to let the doubts in my mind underestimate the strength of the friendships.
    I'm not the best when it comes to trust, but for the moment I'm letting myself try.

Made it to Disneyland!!

    Okay so I managed to make it to Disneyland!! (just got back last night) My friend Tina,  who works for spirit airlines helped get me a very good deal on a round trip LAX!  Wednesday I flew out from Atlanta the flight thankfully wasn't too bad and my ears handled it pretty well. I met up with Tina at the airport and we ate lunch at In-And-Out burger which was honestly a nice California treat! We spent the evening in downtown disney and just explored, but quickly needed up back at the hotel to make sure we got some rest for the big day.
    Thursday we got in the park right when it opened and honestly I had a blast, I'm not gonna just list out everything we did as i feel thats not fun to read, but I will say I got to do everything I was hoping to for such a short trip! We got to ride all the rides that walt disney world has and got to see the differences between them, got to experience disneyland's own personal attractions, and I even managed to find my favorite disney hero Peter Pan!! We were also there the last week of the 60th anniversary diamond celebration.
    I never imagined id get a chance to visit where it all got started let alone ever get to see such a cool celebration, it was really a blessing to get the chance to experience it all! The only downside to the trip is the flight back I received an ear infection full force and currently already on antibiotics trying to clear it up.
    Now people are asking me which do I like better? Honestly it's a hard choice for me. Disneyland is like a huge magic kingdom, which is my favorite part of walt disney world, but i guess the factor that keeps me with disney world is distance its a lot easier for me to get there lol.

Doubts

    Trust is honestly a hard thing for everyone, I've become pretty open with meeting new people lately however, holding on to those new relationships seem to wanna tear me apart inside. I honestly don't have the best self esteem at times, and self doubt. 

    I read things into things that aren't there at times, and sometimes question whether a friendship is true. I have made some good friends and I've got to the point of trusting them. I know my uncertainty and doubts at times probably get old and annoying to some people, causing the very problems I was worrying over. I worry I get annoying, I worry I become a burden.

    For a while I closed myself off from opening up to people, and now I kinda remember why. I can be needy, which can feed of my insecurities and doubts. When something goes wrong I blame myself. Some say it's the price to pay for having a big heart, the bigger the heart the easier it is to hurt. Personally I choose to see that as a positive way to look at it.

    So for me trust is honestly not the easiest, and I hope I don't ruin some of these new friendships im making, but I guess only time will tell.