Inside my head late at night

    Laying on the couch as I write this, it's after midnight lol. I once again find myself with the dilemma of trying to get sleep to come to me.

    The next few months are going to be pretty busy, starting a new school experience, starting up a new small group, vacation with mom and a friend in FL (with some days in Disney of course), a trip to Atlanta for my 21st birthday including a concert featuring R5. And so many books that I've been waiting for are coming out.

    So you would think with all this stuff I'd be on cloud 9. Honestly I hate to say it, but I'm not. I'm excited and happy don't get me wrong. But I'm nervous for the new school, I really want it to work out, I want something to help me get to being a published author. I hope the new small group goes well people have said positive things about it, but at the first meting tonight no one came but the two other leaders. I know it was short notice but I hope this group comes out alright. The vacation is in two weeks and I really am looking forward to that just to get away for a little while, I do feel guilty since I will miss a week of the new group, but I need some me time. The concert it looks like I'm going with my friend Kala, and it should be fun, I even have a VIP package however, I can see myself doing something stupid (tripping, falling, getting sick) and then there is the picture with the band (I'm not big on pictures of myself because I always see my flaws, I'd rather everyone else didn't, especially a band that's famous, and I like).

    Really just a lot of back and forth going on in my head its no wonder I can't sleep ha. Lingering doubts that surface about friends, where it feeds off my trust issues to where I ask myself "are we friends?" I'm the type of person who dosent want to be a pain or in the way or a burden, so I usually fade away scared if I do anything ill upset the person. It's always with people I care about I guess because I don't wanna lose them, but I hope those people know I would go to the moon and back for them.

    So that is a little peek at what's going on in my head this evening lol.

Mistakes happen

    Once you make a mistake, a wrong choice, odds are you believe that whatever you did is the worst thing anyone could do, but you have to remember that we are all human, and we all make mistakes. While you may think whatever you did is the worst thing possible, another thing to remember is that in Gods eyes all sins are equal, so remember that just because you did something wrong, you are still no better than anyone else however, you are also no worse than anyone else.

    People think once your a Christian you won't slip up anymore, that's not true Christians are not perfect, I see it as once you make a mistake after your saved, you confess to god ask forgiveness, and if you want to share with a close trustworthy friend that helps too, then move on. Good people slip up just as easily as bad people because to do the wrong choice, "your always just one decision from stupid".

Guilt can be a terrible thing, but it also shows you I think, that you still have a conscious so by feeling that you know your saved and regret whatever you did, and that God is just waiting for you to come back to him.

    Don't wait too long, or try to hide your shame because God already knows for starters, then also the guilt (if you have it) will eat at you, making your life awful. Also remember once you moved on, yes put it behind you, but take the lesson from the experience, and make sure to use it.

Everyone screws up, that what happens, it's what you do with the screw ups. It's how you handle the experiences, that's how you should judge yourself please remember that.

Changing my approach

    Alright so today has had a lot of ups, and downs. I went to treatment as normal, but after I went to Sylvan learning where I'm was trying to see if they could help with my math. Basically they can, but it would take longer than I had hoped. Now before I continue let me interrupt to just say that my stress levels have been through the roof. My health has been affected. My mood has been affected. I've been stretching myself as far has humanely possible, and honestly I think at times i tried too much. This evening I hit my boiling point, and broke down. I have been trying so hard to get this math down for years now, and I'm like I'm putting so much time and energy into this one part, and its not even helping my future, its doing nothing but stressing me out. So I decided to change my approach.

    Am I planning on quitting school? NO!!! however, I am planning on dropping the class I'm taking and looking into colleges that offer continuing education writing programs, so that I can go to school, and actually enjoy it as well as apply it to my future.

    Some reasons I have been so hesitant to do this sooner, DSC (Dalton State College) has gotten a good sum of $$ from me and my family, and I felt, and still feel bad about just tossing that away, but I'm looking at it now like I still learnt some things so it was not a waste. The second reason was, and is I'm scared how people will see me. I'm scared they will look at me like I failed, like I gave up, like I quit. I don't want to lose peoples respect, some more than others, but still it would hurt so much to think that I disappointed, or let someone I care about down.

    I am doing this for me, when your health is getting affected thats a flare saying hey you need to change something. I have to realize due to my medical stuff I do have limitations, but I shouldn't feel bad, because like I said I'm not quitting I'm simply changing my approach on how to get to the finish line for my goal. Nothing wrong at all with that.

I'm now going to go to school for creative writing a good stepping stone I think for becoming a writer.

Opinions day 06 "Once Upon a Time" TV Show

    Once upon a time (or ONCE as some call it) is an ABC series, that takes all of you favorite fairy tales and merges them together. Somehow all of your favorite story characters are all intertwined in this series.
    In fairytale land the wicked queen used a curse that banished every character into our world, only to be trapped in time, with no memory of their lives before. In the real world is woman named Emma who is the birth child of prince charming and Snow White, who right before the curse struck sent her to our world as well, only so that she wouldn't be affected by the curse in hopes that she would return to break it.
   The series centers on the town of Storybrooke, where all the characters are trapped, usually dealing with an issue that is happening within the town, of their now modern life. while the other half takes you back into the fairytale world and slowly tells you haw things led up to where they are.
    Its an awesome show full of fantasy, and adventure, plus your bound to see at least an apperance of your favorite character. I like it because there is a hint of mystery as well as the fantasy aspects of it.
    If you haven't tried sitting down and watching it yet i strongly recommend you try however, if you do try I would recommend you watch the pilot episode, otherwise if you watch show out of order you will be severely lost.

Opinions day 05 "The Kingdom Keepers" Book Series

    The Kingdom Keepers are one of my personal favorite book series, the first time I read the first book in the series (Disney after dark), was back when I went to North Carolina for my treatment clinical trials.
    The books start off with the prelude to what happens in the disney parks when the lights go out? The first book was published in 2005, and is probably my favorite in the series, just due to the fact I have read it the most, and that it mostly centers in the Magic Kingdom. The second book (Disney at dawn) was published August 26th 2008, it mostly centers in Animal Kingdom. The third book (Disney in shadow) was published April 27th 2010, and it centered around Epcot. The fourth book (Power play) was published April 5th 2011, and it centers on MGM studios. The fifth book (Shell game) was published April 3rd 2012, and it took place on the Disney Dream cruise ship. The sixth book (Dark Passage) is scheduled to be published April 9th 2013, it will also be taking place on the Disney Dream cruise ship. The author has agreed, and signed on for seven books in the series, so at least one more book is in the works.
    These books are full of disney magic, as well as going in to details about the parts of the parks you may never have known about. Several disney characters are featured throughout the series, both heroes, and villains. I don't want to give away any spoilers, but basically the series is about a group of teenagers, trying to protect the Magic Kingdom, from the clutches of villains who think the good guys have run the show long enough.
    They are exciting, full of riddles, adventures, and a lot of disney, so for me they are a perfect fit. I recommend them to anyone who is a disney fan.

Opinions day 04 "Miley Cyrus" Music Artist

    The fourth opinion post is another Music artist (Originally named Destiny Hope Cyrus, born November 23rd, 1992)
Miley Cyrus started out by her most known role as Hannah Montana, the Disney Channel show.
    She has several albums out (meet Miley Cyrus June 26th 2007, Breakout july 26th 2008, Time of our lives August 28th 2009, Can't be tamed May 18th 2010, Plus four Hannah montana soundtracks)
After she got away from her role as hannah, Miley shows that she has enough talent to stand on her own, she has branched out her music while still keeping her upbeat hits.
    I have grown up with Miley in my life, and honestly love her, and all her music. She is also definitely one of my top five artists. My favorite album would have to be Time of our lives, top tracks would be "time of our lives", "Party in the USA", and "The driveway" (last one is from Breakout). Don't think I'll ever tire of her music, and cant wait for her upcoming album. So if you haven't given her a chance I encourage you to try!

Opinions day 03 "Gilmore Girls" TV Show

Alright for the third opinion post I'm going with a TV show.

    If you know me then you already know that I am a huge fan of Gilmore Girls (I own all seven seasons). This show centers on the relationship between a mother, and daughter (Lorelai, and Rory) living in a small town, while trying to reconnect to the grandparents, who the mother ran away from after she had gotten pregnant at 16, and wanted control of her own life. The show also shows the distinctions between the mother and daughters small-town lives VS. the cultured, and society style life of the wealthy grandparents.

    The show unlike most has several main characters, so each episode is not the cliché meet a new character then never hear from them again (can't stand those). The show is very witty, and lengthy script wise (They talk a lot in this show which to me is enjoyable). The series follows their lives as Rory is in her second year of high school all the way to her final year in college. 

   If you have never seen this show, I strongly recommend you to at least try it. As for me? I enjoy watching it daily there are so many story lines that go together, yet stand out just by themselves I honestly never tire of the show. If you asked anyone who knew me odds are if you asked for my favorite TV show, most everyone would say Gilmore Girls.

*The writer for the first six seasons Amy Sherman-Palladino is also the writer for the new abcFamily show Bunheads, which as had appearances by several Gilmore Girls stars.*

Opinions day 02 "The Iron Fey" Book Series

    For the second opinion post i've decided on choosing a book series.

The Iron Fey book series by Julie Kagawa, the first book in the series "The Iron King" was published February 10th 2010, while the fourth book "The Iron Knight"  was published October 25th 2011.

    The book series many people including myself refer to it as similar to twilight, only more mythological and bright as opposed to paranormal and dark. It has the love triangle between the main character Meghan, and two opposing fairies from warring sides. The story is adventure, romance, and magical. I love the series to be honest, once you get into it you just can't stop. I definitely recommend these books for everyone to at least try.

*the author as also began a spin-off series focusing on Meghan's younger half brother Ethan, the first book in that series has been published, and its just as good as its prior series*

Opinions Day 01 "Bridget Mendler" Music Artist

    So, this is the first one of (hopefully daily) opinion posts that will be uploaded for the month of February.
Bridget Mendler (born on december 18th, 1992) (my opinion is on her album "Hello my name is...")
This album I thoroughly enjoy. It's one of the few albums where all the songs I don't mind hearing more than once at a time when my iPhone is on shuffle. "Ready or not", "Forgot to laugh", and "Top of the world" are probably my three favorite songs from the album. She has a unique voice, which I can only describe as an island breeze. Most of the songs are upbeat however their are a few that have a little deeper meaning to them.

*Also I have to say that she has slowly climbed up high on my personal taste list, she is definitely one of my top 5 artists*