Crack of dawn

    Good morning, well to those of you who are awake that is. You see as of late I have not been having the most restful of nights. I thought it would eventually just pass, that it was just a phase, but sadly that does not seem to be the case. Since it is the crack of dawn, i figured why not for a brief time crack open, and catch a glimpse of some of whats going on in my mind. During the day I'm tired, at nights its hard to fall into a slumber, the thoughts simply won't quit racing through my head. Of course when I finally do manage to fall asleep, it's been called the sleep of the dead, and not many people have yet to succeed in waking me.
    I think the stress of daily life is catching up with my body, and it's not mixing all too well. What could I possibly have that's stressful in my easy life you ask? Well for starters I've had a falling out with a friend of whom I've known for most of my life just a little over a month ago. and they were pretty set in their decision. Plus the fact I've heard nothing from them since then speaks volume on its own. While on a similar subject, change is in the air while a few more friendships may soon be changing, hopefully not for the worse.
    Then there are times I think about what am I doing? Life is passing me by, and I'm floating. Granted right now is an ok time to float, but I just know that I don't wanna float forever. I'm surrounded by people daily who are moving on to better things, and at times I feel like I'm getting left behind. There are also times I just feel inferior to them.  However, at the same time I'm sincerely thrilled, and happy for them, so it's kind of a constant back and forth.
    Now while I am truly thankful for the drug that has helped me tremendously, having to take it every week for life, kinda gets you stuck in a pattern. It never changes, and while yes it helps, I do still hope that a permanent solution one day comes about. Having to make sure my schedule works around it, as well as securing people to help take me at times isn't the easiest of challenges. I would never not want this medicine that helps me in so many ways, I just at times wish that I was not chained to it. However the benefits here far outweigh the few discomforts.
   There are a few other things that are floating around in my mind from time to time however, I believe it's best to not put everything to text. Everyone is entitled to their own private thoughts, think about whats floating around in your mind. Would you wanna share it all?  Well thats it, I might now try to get some sleep ha.
    Remember though everyone has things going on in their life that you probably don't know about, so don't assume you know everything. The one thing though that I've learned is that with time all things begin to fade, just how much time? Well it varies from person to person. So respect people, and be kind. You never know when a small act is all they need to make their day.

Fear can be a good thing

     Sadly fear can be the number one motivater in life. The fear of being discovered, fear of failure, fear of liking the wrong person. People who seem to have dumped all that fear behind them truly are special, but at the same time it's what makes them voulnerable. Because you see, fear can be a very good thing. It's what can keep you from underestimating people. As well as keep you from making mistakes about how far you can push someone before they choose to push back. 

Where did things go wrong

    When I look around I see this world still holds so much goodness in it, but at the same time it also holds it's fair share of wickedness. Our generation has damaged so much. Starting with love. Love used to be caring for someone. Now love is a loose excuse for sex, and getting things you want. It used to be pure and innocent. Friends love each other, family loves each other, and then there's the romantic aspect of love. At times now if you say you love a friend you can be mocked. Caring for others isn't always seen as the strongest. And Sex is the only thing that can save a relationship. 

    Where did everything go wrong? I honestly don't know, I think it has something to do with image, and how people see us. Lately I've been debating on things, and I've come to a conclusion. We're on this earth for a brief amount of time, so I figure we should act how we want, instead of molding to society. 

    If you wanna hug your friend go ahead, if you wanna spend time with your family over partying do it, if someone says they are going to leave you unless you have sex tell them goodbye. I may be one of the few who choose this, but I'm choosing to be happy, and carefree. 

Gift of a friend

    The most valuable thing any person can give you is the gift of a friend. Someone who sincerely cares about you, and is there when you've had a rough time, or just aren't in the best of places. Someone who listens, when you need them to, and tries to help with what you may need. Even if it's nothing more than reassurance. I'm lucky, the people in my life I call friends are some of the best, and I'm sincerely thankful for them.
    Honestly though being a friend to someone is one of the best gifts you can give to someone. It shows you care enough about someone to take time out of your life and either be apart of theirs, or try and let them be apart of yours. It's kinda like giving someone your trust, because friends grow close over time, and you learn more about each other. The closer you are the more you care is how I see it. Friends don't care about your problems or issues (if someone in your life does, you may need to see just how much of a friend they are).
    So when someone gives you the gift of a friend, treasure it. Because even a short lived friendship can bring you so much in the long run. I can't say that every friendship will last forever, because nothing is for certain, but I think a few no matter what will find a way to survive no matter what this world tries to throw at it.