Lesson Learned

    OK so without "cants" and "donts" it's honestly hard to tell where the fun is. That lesson I can honestly say I learned the hard way. You see I am house sitting for a friend this week, as well as watching their dog. So I'm on my own this week, (there is a pool). The week started with staying up late, eating junk food, and relaxing by the pool. No one around to say  "no you can't do this"and "don't do that".  At first it was fun, but that didn't last too long. Staying up too late, and swimming at night resulted with me being super tired during the morning, and eating nothing but junk food results with stomach aches, and not too much left over to eat during the week.

    So I can honestly say that the "Cant's" and "Dont's" that are tossed around are usually in our best interest. Now I'm not saying that all of them are good, but I definitely now see the value in them. I also plan on using a few of them on myself the rest of this week haha.

Lets Talk Love

    It's the thing we all want, it's the thing we all are searching for whether we want to admit it or not, but what exactly is Love? Some say its Sex, and thats it. That there is no relationship as long as your having sex your loved. I honestly don't see it that way, I mean honestly come on for love there has to be a relationship, and attraction to the other person. I also don't think that Sex defines love at all really. (I'm honestly a strong believer that sex is for after marriage).

    Some say that its just two really good friends, "I married my best friend" I've heard before, and I think thats a good way to start to describe love, friends like each other already, they know each others faults, yet they are always together.

    Some think that love is a willingness, where you would do anything possible to save the other person even if it means putting yourself in harms way. I like this way of thinking, to me it just feels right. If you Love someone you want to protect them, and help them, so that seems to fit.

   What do I think love is? honestly I think it has nothing to do with sex, Love is finding someone you don't ever want to be away from. I definitely think that you have to be friends, or grow into being friends. Its where you put all your trust into another person.

Well thats just a small opinion on Love

Surprise surprise I'm doing just fine

    Ok so the last post was what one of my issues is, but you know what? I've had a breakthrough. No I am not going to sit here, I have done nothing that needs me to have to defend myself, and I have done nothing to deserve what has happened over the years. I am a good person, I care about others, and try to help people out when I can. I may not be the smartest, but I am smart enough, and I may not be the most athletic, but I am working on that. For so long I've been quietly sulking, and emotional at times going up, and down all the time, but no more! I'm finally moving on, if you don't want me in your life thats just fine, but please don't drag me along, and use me until your ready to discard me. 

    I treat people with respect, the way that I want to be treated, and expect the same in return. I have never wronged anyone intentionally, and if I have I immediately apologized once it was brought to my attention. For so long I've been killing myself trying to figure out what I did wrong, but no more, I didn't do anything especially anything to deserve what I got.

    Some have used my weaknesses against me in order to hurt me, and in the past yes it hit the bullseye, but today, and for the future? Surprise surprise I'm doing just fine. I have decided that its not worth the emotional trouble. If this is how you treat people I'm honestly happy to have you gone. Sorry if that wasn't what you planned, but honestly I've finally broken free

Too Trusting

    I am definitely what you would call too trusting. Despite all the burns I've endured dealing with trust, and new friends I still find myself so willing to trust the good in everyone. Yet I also can tell the hesitation I have, like when I'm quiet in a crowded room. I'll answer direct questions, but I seldomly speak my own mind unless I've really gotten comfortable. I've seen the story play out so many times where it ended badly, yet that doesn't stop me from trying again, and again. Sadly it feels like the people I finally break through with and start getting to know, they end up disappearing from my life. 

    I know this post is probably sounding like a broken records from other post, but this is honestly one of weakest points, and its just something that I need to vent/talk about at times. Don't get me wrong I have great friends that I would never trade for anything, but I still have doubts that they too will one day disappear. Honestly sometimes I don't think I'm good enough, smart enough, normal enough, the list goes on and on. So when people act as if they want to be my friends I have to hold myself down, and not explode all over them. People seem to like me from the things I hear, I just cant seem to figure out why at times.